If you're here you probably know/knew me
Whatever the case, help yourself to my blahblahs, however interesting they may be.


bolditalicunderlinestrikeout

So here i am again

I guess i just need to do more self talk these days so i need to be here to ventilate my thoughts

So tomorrow Im gg to BVH for a 2 hour facility tour...Im just really happy im not gg alone...

I guess i just need to stop worrying...its hard though..its always hard to not worry even though i know very well that its a waste of energy over sth that you have no control over/ may not even happen.. but...i am still human...a pessimistic one at that.

I think i just need to admit it to myself

I am afraid of her
I am afraid of bruising my ego
I am afraid that my life will be hell once i go over although everyone says its better there
I am afraid

so...i need to have confidence? and i need to believe that i can?
but based on WHAT?! ARGHHHHHH!!!!

everytime someone mentions 'farewell' or ' wont see you anymore' i really feel like im gg to the land of the neglected and i feel this immense sadness...and im not even resigning dammit. Im just rotating out of main campus..but it feels like my friends will disappear...coz that seems to be what is happening with the people alr there..sigh...i dont even know what im feeling now..

fear?
sadness?

maybe i should turn this energy into a positive one

i DID afterall say that i wanted to go to
and why did i say yes? coz i wanted to expand my knowledge
and to have a better idea of what exactly i want as part of my career progression

so i should stay objective? and think of the big picture......? maybe i should
just gotta TONG it through baby

*psychopsychopsycho*

ok i forsee more blogs from me till i settle down emotionally

for now...thats it from me...i need to snooze to get to serangoon by 715/20 tomorrow... back to top?

OH GOODNESS

IT HAS BEEN FREAKIN EONS SINCE I BLOGGED ANYTHING

the last entry was a year and a month back

well as i mentioned in the post from a  year back
im usually only here when i need to rant about sth
or when i need to sort out my thoughts

so the last entry was abt the rotation to GRM..
and folks it wasnt as daunting as i thought it would be ( i think i just like to stress myself out)
and in fact i think i liked it a lot
Geriatrics...dementia...may very well be my interest area..

In any case
well this time its something similar.. I am gonna rotate AGAIN to REHAB at BVH

oh and just for the record, i only JUST joined the neuro team for like...3 months?
I was just getting comfy and getting the hang of learning things
getting used to the boss and her weirdness and then

BAMM!!!

I was bombed with the news on friday  i would be rotating again coz of manpower shortage issues

ok here are my issues with this rotation:
- I want to go the rehab team purely for educational and experience sake
-  I wasnt supposed to be part of this round of rotation in the first place and now i suddenly am?! and im rotating on the 10th Sept?!?!?! THATS IN 1 WEEK!!!
-  I need to be mentally prepared right?!?! like not only is it a new team to me, its a whole freakin new place!!
- The place is so bloody far in Hougang. HOUGANG as opposed to SGH. AHHHH!!!
- THE XIAO LAO BAN THERE....OHEMGEE JUST KILL ME. i was under her before when i first started work and well..shes good at her work but she scares me too and not only that....she plays favourtism..and i dunno where i stand in her books honestly...
- SHE was one of the main reasons why i was so damn quiet during my 1st 6 months of work. I was so wary and scared that i was doing /would do something wrong and earn myself a spot in the wrong side of the book without even knowing it....
- my routines, my friends at work, my systems...they're all gonna change in just a week...

I just dont like how poor planing on the boss' part becomes sth that i have to suffer the repercussions of. that isnt how the world is supposed to function?!?!....right? :/

but in any case, so the story ends with me trying to bargain for a longer time in SGH but losing in the end coz basically my emotional well-being doesnt matter when it comes to work. I guess i should just 'grow up' and 'be an adult'...but does that then mean that adults dont feel worried about things like that? such things dont bother them? ah well.... i dunno anymore..nothing about my life feels adult anw other than work, work and AND MORE work.

so what can i do now that i have 1 more week in SGH? enjoy it while i can. thats really all tt can be done. and pray that the placement wont be as bad as it seems and even if it really is...then ill just have to pray that i have enough emotional strength to last through it..

HWAITINGGGGGGG~



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