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dan is soo gonna hate the title of this post..HEH..hahahah!!

but i cldn't think of anything else..

and fio..aft you told me tt i shld put up a wishlist on my blog so tt ppl will roughly know wad to get me for presents, i thot i didn't put up a wishlist too..then i decided to view my profile and guess wad? i DO have a wishlist!!! ahaha..but i decided i needed to update it..so yea...if you ppl need to know wad to get me in the near future ( tho the nearest occasion i can see is christmas)..just take a look there =)

well..met melia to help her with her research today..well..i didn't do any research really..haha..i just used her laptop while she looked for journals and helped her in carrying her 4 textbooks..ahaha..oh well..not tt i mind..if i were at home wld be using the comp too..so no diff..then came ot my place to use the internet to furthur research..where i DID help..stayed for dinner..and she left ard 10.20pm..haha..oh well..

wad to do 2mr?

HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY!!!

i miss SCHOOL!!! nono..not poly-school..i miss SCHOOL-SCHOOL...i misss CJ!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!! i miss my teachers surpirsingly..i mean..i nvr usually do like for STC or Kellock..but i miss the CJ teacher's lessons..all of them..ahaha..

- ms teh's weird expressions and her clear and very well organised chem lessons..ahaha..i still rmb she told me once tt if she ever had a daughter, she wanted her to be JUST LIKE ME =D

- mr foo's maths lessons full of dirty, lame, corny jokes and videos,his characteristic cackle-like laughter, and of course making math that bit more understandable

- mr goh's "serious-ness" and his classic hand-motion..and the way he answers our qns with MORE questions..and the way he keeps us on our toes all the time...

- mr galscow's interesting stories, his attempts on all the diff accents..esp the local singlish one and the american one..man..bestest GP teacher alive =) damn i miss GP..its the only subject you could talk SENSE and logic in..expressing your ideas and beliefs..

and of course all my diff lecturers..and ALL THE LECTURES!! aHHH!!! i miss those huge lectures..like 10 over classes kind..ha..

- maths lect with the largest amt of crapping gg ard esp coz of the t20 guys and a t26 girl and tessa..ahaha..and mr gan's brown tote bag and generator voice..ahaha..

- chem lect, mr kb ong's jokes..ahaha..the straight faced kind..and the BLOOD RED ppt..heh..mrs tan's lects were just very scary..she knew MY NAME!! and almost everyone's in the LT..so ran a risk of being questioned..

- mr chin's rather nonsensical and senseless lects =S making bio just more complex than it already was..the notes were..welll i thot CJ's bios notes were the worst..till i got to NYP..and now..i love CJ EVEN MORE!! and the use of that projector thing..where you can see wad the lecturers write..yea..miss that..haha..

and of course...i kinda miss working with mrs loke for choir..i miss the LT where we wld all walk into to prepare for choir and sing our lungs out...and outside st cecilia's to continue singing when chased out of the LT and to hold sectionals (not too good on CCA days..the audi was occupied too where i wld run the risk of HIGH humiliation)..the benches every morning to sing,crap, make presents and stuff...

i can just go on and on..but i really miss CJ..the school..every nook and cranny brings back memories..esp the ppl..hiaz..i miss it..i keep telling myself to MOVE ON..

but its hard..i need to embrace this life path i've chosen..but i can't help but look back on how much better and fun life was in CJ..how much more i enjoyed gg to sch and all..i mean..CJ wasn't exactly a WONDERFUL place to be for me..my class wasn't united and i only knew some ppl..but i guess..its just that QUALITY time spent with tt few ppl there tt makes it such a wonderful place full of wonderful memories...i need to MOVE ON..yes..please..help me along..I NEED TO MOVE ON..

nex time i see ms teh and CJ teachers? her wedding day..FINALLY!! ahaha..hope i can go when the date is confirmed..i can't wait!!!! YAY!!!! back to top?

man..

new song to learn...and no need score somemore...

learn on youtube..good...easier for ppl like me...just imitate..ahaha

rihanna's unfaithful..nice song...except for the fact tt she's WHINY..

but the whiny-ness does add an element of emotion..kind of...tt "argh..whywhy?" kind of feeling.. heh heh..

well..today..or yest rather..blogging this at 1am..heh..

went to chinatown with fio to search for 3 shops all in the same place aka people's park where they sell those cool vintage buttons and belts and earrings and stuff..featured in urban sometime back..

but wad we weren't preared for was tt there isn't just a people's park..there are 3 people's parks..people's park center, people's park complex and later only did we realise tt there was a people's park..ahaah...why we didn't consider people's park even tho it clearly stated in the article tt it WAS people's park..coz:

1) they said it was air-conditioned
2) we didn't excpect it to be the market one aka THE people's park

so as we were travelling to and from complex to center..we actually like walked past THE people's park 6 times..why it didn't strike us to just try it out was also coz..well..the sign of the building..was located at such a level where...its not the 1st thing tt catches your attn..i mean..usually the name is like on the 3rd or 4th floor tt kind of level..but tt one was like..just not eye-catching enough..ahahaok..fine..so we're blind or short..WADEVA..

fio was like saying they shld put in small letters beside it like this:

PEOPLE'S PARK- no..really..trust us

haha..oh well..so we finally found the place coz we entered complex the 2nd time aft doubting it once and went thru the whole 3rd level ( coz tts the supposed level of the shops) and stumbled upon a bead/accessory kind of shop..went in for a look and aft looking ard fio finds an article and we realise the shop changed name coz the shop we were in was sth like "crystal image" when the shop's name we were looking for was " ngeong chek" or sth liddat..and the article wrote tt ngeong chek shop..and the lady then explained tt the shop we were looking for was at the market aka THE people's park and the shop we were at was a branch of the shop we were at..ahaha..stupid man..but oh well..paid off..

aft tt..we went to fio's place..get her cam to bring to GWC to "fix" it and play some piano where she taught me a bit of wad she learnt from youtube..left for GWC..settled her cam..walked ard...saw MISS LOKE PUI SAN and CELINE QUEK!!! EEEEE!!! ahhahaa..the STC teachers..ahaha..we dao-ed them of course..hope they didn't recognise us ..heh..

when we were abt to leave..it was raining cats and dogs..so we decided to stay a while till it died down..we went to the arcade to pass time..played air hockey..ahaa..our all time fave game...i beat her..heh heh..dun worry fio..at least you improved from 0 to 2..ahahaah!!! =P

oh well..2mr..meeting melia to help her with work again..stupid man..all tt effort planning and researching on mon wasted..apparently did it wrongly..hiax..now gotta CHIONG!! can one..can..can..i hope..=S back to top?

extra note--> check out the vid at the bottom of my tagboard..its the same college grp tt did butterfly..this one's superstition by stevie wonder...the girl's voice is nth fantastic but gd nonetheless..the thing i wanna point out is for all you ppl who want/interested in setting an accapella grp, you guys have to be prepared and want to perform like them..not just vocally..but you gotta MOOOVE BABY..haha..

i was bored yes..

was surfing randomly...found a vid of the rugby guys doing their infamous performance at last yr's national day celebrations and THEN i stumbled upon a lil someone i know..ahaha..here's the link..so check it out and you'll know who i'm referring to..heh heh...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhLnEt6XNwg
but then a lil warning..the guy's laughter in the backgrd is darn irritating..sounds similar to someone's..UGH..ahahaha..

and THEN...i stumbled upon some more COOL stuff..ahaha..PHILIPPINE IDOL..ahaha..

and babes was right when she said the philippines is bursting with talent and tt its hard to make it big as a singer over there...i mean..i never doubted it..its quite obvious..i mean..lets just take it this way..i've never met a filipina maid in singapore tt can't carry a decent tune...almost all of them can sing in tune at least...and thats only a mere indication of the abundance of greater talent there..i can bet a million times..that the quality over there is better than singapore's by leaps and bounds..i found a vid of a part ofthe top 40..i think they just started coz i cldn't find any vids on the top 24 ..so yea..

and another thing to add in case you guys are wondering if the 1st person is male or female ( i knew i was wondering)..its a SHE..yep..look later on in the vid..her name is paula patricia chavez..heh..but she's got a nice voice..the sound quality is kinda bad tho..




they shld air philippine idol here..hahaha..its more worth my time really.. the top 40's quality waay beyond the standard we have here..better watch tt than wondering which GOOD singer on singapore idol is gonna get kicked out next...stupid joakim..goodness...OPEN YOUR EARS singaporeans..ok..fine..not ALL singaporeans..this is particularly for those deaf screaming girl(there maybe some guys) fans of joakim..your screaming for an average looking 17/18 yr old that CANNOT sing has spoilt your ear drums to an extent you have kept some wrong ppl in the competition..your dahling joakim shdl have gone out WAAAy earlier...to have him in the top 5 now?

man..tts seriously a joke and too much a of a compliment to his looks...notice i didn't mention singing? coz he can't sing..everytime he sings its like a BAD SCHOOL CONCERT..those kind that you have in pri sch..the pri 6 go on stage and sing some solo..yea..tt kind..ugh..unless the pri 6 is good (which is hardly ever) then i have nth to say..

SI 2mr night..R&B..its finally the night of SI which i dun have to rush thru doing some sch work or study RIGHT aft the show or to watch and do..ahaha..wheee..i'm only watching coz i wanna hear hady and jon and watch joakim make a fool of himself..=S but having said all tt abt joakim..i must say i do admire him..he really does have the perseverance and drive..kena slam left and right and still..for tt alone..i respect him..his singing..i have said my piece.. back to top?

ok..i've been letting this thing go on in my head for waay too long liao..i need to let it out..

am i anti-social?

no really...

i dunno...

its been bugging me ever since the hols started...

i feel GUILTY for not wanting to go out with my classmates to ubin 2mr..but at the same time i DUN WAN to ..

1) the situation/ influencing factors/innate features

its like..i can see it..everyone in class is more or less comfy with each other..it SEEMS lah..they dun mind hanging out with ppl tt they barely know anything abt..they just go out and hang out and see wad happens and let it happen--i'm obviously a bit of a control freak for me to say this is a "bad" thing..ahaha

i wonder...is that the right way? really...i dunno...sometimes i think i worry too much..i'm too wary too often..i mean..they can just GO..go to an offshore island and like spend a WHOLE day with ppl they barely know..well..maybe they according to their own standards think they know enough abt the ppl ard them to feel comfy to go out with..

BUT!

i'm not tt kind of person...

i'm FAR from tt..

guess i've been hurt too many times in friendship tt i've developed this ME tt i feel works best for me..and so far..it has..it has sifted out the good friends and ok friends and ppl just to be wary of..i dun wanna get hurt again..there is no point..might as well avoid it all and lead a happier life..right?

i hate being lied to..esp when its me lying to myself..tts why i always try avoid doing things tt are not true to my conscience..i refuse to ever allow myself to be disillusioned into thinking how woncerful and nice sth is..

-i analyse a lot..esp ppl (sometimes too much)
-i think a lot (sometimes too much)
- i'm wary of new ppl and situations
-my trust must be earned

2) NOT GUILTY

but really..why wld i wanna go out with my classmates ( they're not a evil bunch of ppl) when i can spend a day the way I WANT it to be..

i mean..in this world nowadays..how often do you get to take control of your life?!

even tho its the hols and i have a lot of time to spare...STILL a day is a day..and a day of my life at tt..time is precious..and since melia always believes i'm gonna die anytime..which is a real fear..i mean..the Lord takes you anytime, anywhere..so live life with no regrets (or avoid as far as possible)..be true to your heart and let your actions speak tt msg..

so in tt sense...i dun feel guilty...i just wanna lead my life the way i want it to be..

3) GUILTY

but at the same time..i feel bad for being "selfish" esp when i hate selfish ppl..

i mean..my classmates aren't exactly evil ppl, they're nice ( or so it seems..its been almost 1/2 a yr)..

and since i'm such a strong believer of team work..i really feel horrid for working against this now..i mean..take my JC class for example..we were NEVER close but we all still worked together whenever we needed to and everyone contributed coz they knew tt being a part of the class meant tt you shld do sth to contribute to sth tt is class-thing..but outside of sch..we all led out own lives..free of any obligation..also coz..from day 1 everyone knew their place..it was SUPER clique-ish..so it was good in a clear-cut way..

but now...my class ppl are waay nicer and less clique-ish compared to my JC class..so i feel bad for having to implement the same mentality i had with them..coz they dun deserve it..its just my being all wary and not wanting to subject myself to the "niceness" expected of me in tt social setting..

4) reasoning

but i realised tt i wun have such a dilemma if i had a friend in there tt i cld stick to..well.ok..i have a bunch i can stick to..but i dun exactly feel like i WANT to stick but rather tt i HAVE to stick..so its tt uncomfy-ness tt i have to put up with..i kinda feel like i'm lying to them and myself =S ok lah..maybe not THAT extreme lah..

its just tt there doesn't seem to be anyone with a similar mentality to mine..they all seem soo independent in the sense tt they dun REALLY need to be friends with you, they can have 2 fronts ( 1 for sch and another for outside of sch) and not even try to bring a small balance to it..tts just the vibe i'm getting lah..

there just doesn't seem to be anyone who wants to have a friend of a decent level as much as i want to..no one really tt finds the same things i think matter/impt/funny/worth talking abt..i dun expect to find a GOOD friend in sch..but at least a friend? and when i say friend...all of you who read this blog KNOW wad I define as a friend and an acquaintance..hiaz..

there is really only one person in sch i feel more comfy with compared to the rest..but she's kinda like a social butterfly..so..yea..

so its kinda obvious i'm still not very integrated into my class huh? and its kinda sad...i hope i start feeling a lil more attatched sometime soon..but i guess i can't force things like tt..it takes time..and for me..a much LONGER time..

5) conclusion

despite feeling guilty...i'm still not gg..there's no point subjecting myself to doing sth against my own will just so tt the class will look unified and make myself look like i'm totally loving their company ( not tt i hate it)..i dun wanna lie to them and i dun wanna lie to myself--not trying to sound noble here or anything like tt..

and if i can choose to live this day in a way i want it to be..then WHY NOT?! how often are you given tt choice? dun let others make tt descision for you..ahaha..

this whole not wanting to go out with them and having a better day the way i want to is really just a result of the way i see my relationship with my classmates and tt itself is a result of the way i see them and based on my own standards--chim hor? ha..

obviously i seem like i'm justifying this not-so-good behavior of mine..making it seem like its the best thing /attitude to adopt when meeting ppl and making friends..but really..its worked for me for soo long and earned me some pretty-darn-good-kick-ass friends anyone can ever ask for..i dun think i'll be giving it up soon..

ppl have diff ways of socialising and making friends and sometimes good friends..this is my way..damaging? not to me..it just makes me wary of ppl..avoid getting hurt in this way..good? bad? you decide..haha..as you can see its hard to be my friend( you guys shld call yourselves lucky haha!)..hence..i dun really know many ppl..ppl i know are an extension of a small network of BLOODY GOOD friends..the ppl i actually meet on my own and i call friends are few..VERY few..but as i always say :

"better to have a few bloody good friends than to have manymany 'friends' of which you have to put on a diff front with each everytime you meet"

i'm such a incorrigible, messed-up moron huh? but gimme a reason why i shld change when i see no need to? ahaha.. back to top?

*bobs head to the beat*

OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

haha...i've gotten back into the rock feel..was searching randomly on youtube for sigapore idol ( yes i was bored) and i stumbled upon one of hady's old performances..bon jovi's you give love a bad name..ROCKIN DUDE!! ahaha..its only thru all the idol shows whether SI or AI tt i am reminded of all these good oldies..rock or ballads or wadeva..they're GOOD...so now..tt song will be on repeat mode on my mp3 for some time..ahaha..found the bon jovi vid ..gonna put it up..finally huh? less words to read..ahaha..

BUT before tt...i just wanna say..i hope my week will be as fufilling as possible..i think i'll start reading sth..been a long time since i caught a good read...hmmm.. and i sincerely hope tt sat will be available for singing..i implore you amelia..tt you finish your assignment asap..

in case that didn't get thru here's a more appropraite version :

" DO YOUR WORK LAH!! OUR FATE LIES IN YOUR HANDS!! SO DO THE DAMN THING!! "

ahaha..did it get in now? heh..

i dun quite like this version..was trying to look for a more EXPLOSIVE version..its not exciting enough..doesn't really get you bobbing..ahaha..but its the best sound qulaity i cld find so far..if i get sick of it..i'm changing it to hady's..THAT was good..i think i'm now a new fan of hady(dan, dun say anything)..in addition to jon leong of course..ahaha..jon leong's voice is so...swoon-worthy..haha..like alex band's =) ahah..enjoy!

back to top?

well how did the saturday tt was meant to be used to sing turn out to be?

ok lah..

i bought myself a new bag..handbag kind tt is..heh heh..its nth fantastic.. but its a canvas kinda bag with a girly-twist..hahaha...

and...

well...i wanted to put some video up..but...i dunno wad to put...wanted to look for the vid of hady singing his english song this week for SI..it was a catchy song..nice..by some malaysian R&B grp if i'm not wrong..haha..maybe too soon for ppl to upload lah..i'll wait..ha

well..2mr..sunday..now tt i've got no school i wun have much to do 2mr...i dunno wad to do really..i get bored easily...i just realised tt..hahah..i need to plan my day 2mr but i dunno how..man...maybe i shld start studying again =S i mean..i didn't exactly find the exams a breeze..and the lecturers told us to continue studying during the hols coz when we come back..its gonna build up on wad we already know...no revision or anything like tt...so...have to do it on our own...OUCH..tts scary...i need to be forced to study..no drive to study at the moment..or do anything really..man..so meaningless...

OH! i saw a tee today at carrefour..was kinda tempted to buy it...the tee wrote :

TRUST ME I'M A GIRL

hahaha..there was another one tt was sth like " remind me why i need to get a boyfriend" or sth liddat..kinda cool lah the tees there..SURPRISINGLY..heh..but i didn't get lah..mum told me to clear my cupboard b4 buying new stuff oso..and i agree...maybe i'll do tt on mon or sth..heh..the whole rack is like STUFFED..can't move..so need to clear to make way for new clothes..hahaha..anyway..i'm actually online now as in on MSN but i'm appearing as offline..no one to talk to..dun wan random ppl talking to me and having small talk..sheesh..tiring man..

and like i said..its irritating tt no one is really around for me to share my newly acquired temporary freedom...hiaz..i was looking forward to it coz i cld like spend more time talking to friends and hanging out or wadeva..but now..there isn't even anyone online..hiaz..wad to do..everyone with their own lives to lead..feel like some abandoned old folk in a home now..haha..

and one more thing i discovered...i just realised the imptace of SLEEP..really..i went to bed without worries on thurs coz fri was my 1st day of freedom and the next morning i woke..my goodness...my SKIN..it like improved DRAMATICALLY...i mean..it looks less well..it look more rested and less stressed out..WOW...cool huh? and wad am i gonna do this hols abt my well being? i'm gonna swim MORE..get me a good tan and hopefully more toned limbs..its working slightly..i can see a small change..but it'll come..it'll come.. i hope..

if not...i'll conclude for sure..its in the peranakan genes of mine..coz MOST bibiks are well..fleshy...if you know wad i mean..=S good? bad? happy? sad? its only good in THOSE times...get to fill up the kebaya nicely..which i agree..when you see skinny ppl or ppl with lack of 'wadeva-needs-to-be-fleshy' wear kebaya..its just..NOT RIGHT..haha.. i dun even noe how i REALLY look like in a kebaya..the only time i wore one was NOT even mine..it was my grandma's..and well..the boob area of the kebaya was waaaay too big..heh..

and i'm not saying i'm like FLESHY..i'm just got some "BAH" ..heh.. i dunno..at least got sth authentically peranakan in me lah..ahaha..

ok..i think i'll finally post tt post on the OT thing on how relevant it is to us/me..tt ONE post i've been putting off for soo long..needs some thinking and paraphrasing lah..lazy..but i'll do it now tt i'm free..revise my OTTP stuff oso..haha..CHEERIOS!! heh back to top?

so fast bored already..

and its only my 1st day of freedom..ahaha...

well...fio did ask me out to go chinatown with her to go shop for stuff..

but i was too lazy...gotta dress up and all..sian man..

i thot i cld learn a new song today..NOPE..FAILED..tried breaking free..only managed to do the intro..and i got bored and tired of trying to get the rest of the song right..sickening..i wish i learnt piano when it comes to times like these..

*hp rings*

GUESS WAD?!

JON CAN'T MAKE IT 2MR!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!! just when i as looking forward to 2mr's singing..he's got guard duty or sth liddat..i was distracted by the " I can't come 2mr.." tt i cldn't really register the reason..now....i dunno if we shld go ahead with it...Fio is supposed to join us 2mr..for the 1st time..the fact tt norman isn't coming is already............................and now..man..stupid army (for once i can say tt for a reason)..taking away our only tenor/baritone for the weekend..like MAN!!! you have him for 5 days a week already dammit! give him to us for just ONE day..ONE DAY!!! ARGH! he kept apologising but its not his fault and said tt he wld kill all his superiors if they make him do guard duty next week again..Jon, if they take you again next week,call me along, i'll join you in the bloodshed..stupid lah..hiaz..

and if we proceed with this week (which i'm fine) i MAY NOT be able to do next week when the tenor/baritone is free ( hopefully)..mum was kinda a bit upset tt i requested to go out this sat =S WHEN WILL I BE FREE OF THIS OBLIGATION?! 21?? tts another 2 more yrs...dunno lah..gotta play with my mum's mind and the only way ard it is to not go anywhere this sat and be free next sat..ahaha..good? i think its good..heh..even when i ask her for permission to go out its like a "trying to please the t-rex" kind of game..melia..dun say anything..19..wad an insignificant yet depressing age..i can't wait for 21 or 20 at least..this will be the ONLY time you see me enthu abt being older..ahaha..

and back to my mum..it suddenly reminded me of wad melia said..sth like :

next time your boyfrend ah..good luck man with dealing with your mum..

which is kinda true..i really do wonder..how wld it turn out IF i DID have one..he'll have a hard time getting me out and stuff..dun even say tt ah..i can't even imagine how my mum will react when she learns i'm attached ( if i ever DO)..unlike other mum's whom i have heard of..my mum is kinda against me having one now..i know other mums tease their daughters abt when they're gonna get one and jokingly offering to match them with someone's son or one of that daughter's friends..my mum? nothing of tt sort..which really gets me thinking..abt the future tt is..its gonna be kinda comical i can imagine..HAHA!

in fact i think i'm turning into mum..tt day my sis brought home a friend..she was gg for night study aft tt so brought the friend home..she msged me telling me in advance..i thot ok lah i mean..go off with the friend aft tt for night study ok lor..

SO when they got home i was bathing..when i got out and went into the study i see a HUGE figure SHLUMPED onto one of the chairs beside my sis..and a low " hey" came out of the creature's mouth..DEFINITELY was NOT in a pinafore and a girl with a voice like tt is just plain scary ( dun say anything)..it was a friend alright.. a GUY friend..

she's freaking 16 in a CONVENT school dammit.. only contact with guys are church guys...and church guys are just BLEAH..my church tt is..ok fine..the guy wasn't from st bern's..BUT STILL!! met thru some camp..goodness..i overreacted i agree...i was in SHOCK really and called melia straight away..ahah..

when you expect to see another GIRL in PINAFORE and say a "hey" in a much higher pitched voice and it turns out opposite..ha..and they went into the bedroom aft tt..door closed..i was worried..i cldn't study physio properly..ahaha..i knew they wldn't do anything stupid lah..but its still the IDEA..i'm kinda old fashioned i agree..ahaha..and when i opened the door..they were lying on the floor..BESIDE each other of course..if any closer i wld run in and TEAR THEM APART..ahahaha!! and in a family with no brothers..the only male in the house is really only my dad..so..ha!!

try to understand me..fio..you can right?! =S ahaha..2 younger sis somemore..aahha..but leona is in a mixed sch now so not tt bad i guess..but tina..ahaha..watch out man..heh

ok..tts a long enough post ..gonna be blogging more nowadays..its the hols...i need company to hang out with..and no..not keen of cycling at pulau ubin with class..so no go..2mr? we'll see...hiaz.. back to top?

just before i go into one of my LOOOONG and "deep" posts..

I'M FREEEE!!!
TODAY marked the END of my misery!!!
PHYSIO IS OVER!!
EXAMS are over!!

how i feel abt the exams? i just wanna pass...really...no drive to excel..none at all..every paper i do i do just for the sake of doing it and wanting to get over and done with it...its that kind of feeling..like doing a mock paper...EXCEPT..this isn't a mock now..and if i fail it...i have to sit fro sup paper...AGH!! PLEASE let me pass!! its not as if i didn't study for it..PLEASE!!!

and now tt exams are over..i'm gonna go figure out butterfly sop 2 part and probably learn how to play a new song on the piano..HSM? maybe..ahaha..if its not too difficult..

well..now to the serious post:

well..was just talking to melia bout life and its happenings..

and all i can say is..well..i've always functioned by this "rule" esp when it comes to teaching and helping ppl..anything tt involves ppl improving in aspects of their life..and tt"rule" is:

I only help ppl who want to help themselves

really...its true..why bother helping someone who doesn't care abt their own well-being? its not like you gain anything out of gg the EXTRA mile for someone who doesn't even want the better for themselves? if you help..its to help THAT person benefit..and you feel like you did sth good for someone..so in a way..its a PARTNERSHIP...one person cannot function to achieve the ultimate goal if the other person doesn't want it BAD enough esp when the ultimate goal benefits mainly the person other than yourself..

ok..maybe i used the wrong word just now..but yea... got to want it bad enough..and another thing is WANTING it bad enough is one...but wanting and not doing and i mean REALLY doing sth abt it is as good as " all action no talk" really..seriously..when its reached tt stage, the kind of help sought shld be appropriate to your needs and current situation..if you ask me..its gotten quite bad..to the stage its like trying to rationalize everything and well..practicing projection and rationalization --> terms from psych

projection : unacceptable thereatening impluses seen as originating from someone else
rationalization: invent accpetable excuses for unaccpetable behavior

if you know wad i'm talking abt..then i think you'll agree..

i mean..these are my personal thoughts lah..as in..i really yah..if people want to improve and help themselves i WOULD MOST DEFINITELY lend ANY form of help tt i can offer tts within my means..really..but when you really WANT sth ..you WORK for it..its like tt with anything in life..you do stuff to keep up with progression to the goal..not fall back to the stage of failure..and to me..i dun see why i should try to empathize and all anymore coz its not like i need to care since you dun even care abt it enough yourself..if its not a care to you / a care you do no wish to acknowledge then why shld i care? see the reason behind it?

i've had depressed friends b4..any they were all well..clinical cases..i played a role in helping them in wadeva way i could but the fact is tt i made an effort to help coz they WANTED to be helped and WANTED to get to a better stage in life BAD enough..they took appropriate measures to attain tt BECAUSE they CARED abt themselves..so no one shld have any reason to say tt i just DUN understand how it is to be depressed and hence be in no postion to comment..but i think i've had enough " practice" in learning how to deal with such situations i am at least 30% credible in my views..ha..

hiaz...dunno lah..i just thot i type this out..its also kinda worrying for me..this whole idea i function by ..i mean..i'm working to be a future OT..one of my main roles as an OT wld be to motivate ppl to achieve their highest level of fucntioning..how do i do tt when i function by this idea? its like..if the patient is SUPER unmotivated..then if i function in this aspect then its like " why shld i care? juat earn your money and go lah!" but tts not ethical and i'm not tt kind of person..hello?! tt time work in NYDC already do my work with the appropriate amt of pride liao lah..wad more this?hahaa..

aiyah..i need to sleep lah..ahaha..2mr is a day of doing nth but SLACK..and tts engaging in meaningful activity ..WHEE!! ahaha..
back to top?

so nonsense...

really...damn nonsense..

2mr marks the end of all my exams and the commencement of my wonderful 2 mnth holiday of which i can start on my music venture and exploration..WOOHOO!!

BUT! guess wad?!

no...my hols are still there..

my paper ends at 230pm 2mr...suppsoed to be free from then on right?

NO!

i've got a talk at 6pm to 8pm TOMORROW!!! WAD THE!!! MAN!!!! ARGH!!!

i mean...ok fine...i dun mind since..welll not like i'm gonna come home and do anything productive at that time..no one to clebrate with me the end of my exams anyway..until 2 days later tt is...but...but...BUT!!! WHAT A WAY TO MARK THE END OF EXAMS?! to attend a talk?! goodness..

its a good talk i agree...they got this guy who was the 1st guy in singapore to have a watch dog for the visually impaired...so its damn cool..and get to hear the yr 3's who went to japan for their clinical posting...cool..so yes..cool and alll BUT!!

well..if you ppl know me well enough by now...i'm a person who is appreciates this thing call SIGNIFICANCE...the small small gestures ppl take an effort to make tt day just a lil more speical..tt lil effort to make it just that more memorable..why you think i'm particular abt

-where we celebrate
-who we celebrate with
-exactly wad time we give the present
-HOW we give the present and all..

it makes a diff really..to me lah...SO!!! tts why even tho i'll have nth better to do even if i come home 2mr..IT STILL THE END OF EXAMS!! and it should be celebrated like IT IS the end...ahaha...oh well..i quote teddy geiger once again :" you always want wad you can't have.." but then aft tt it goes :" but i've got to try.." ahaha..how am i gonna try?? i dunno..we'll see..

as you can see i'm crapping..had psych today and just got back..the paper was ..UGH..i just wanna pass really..man..my aims for this round of exams are soo low...i need to PUSH MYSELF!!! HOW?! i dunno...i think i need to be hit in the face with harsh reality ONCE AGAIN before i can start up my "i love being a nerd" mode again..hiaz...ok..physio 2mr...I MUST DO WELL!!!! back to top?

hiaz...i really want this week to come to an end fast...

i've already more or less planned out wad i wanna do the moment it ends..this torturous examination timetable...RAR! i can't wait for FRIDAY!!! FREEDOM!!! for 2 whole months or so..whoopee!! i can foresee myself getting bored in tt span of 2 mnths...but it sounds anytime better than studying if you ask me...ok..so i still have to study during the hols...but not as jia lat as compared to now...not as pressing..

my new aim is to figure out the middle voices for butterfly...esp the sop 2 part...YEA!!! friday onwards..tt will be my new vocation..ahahaha!! coz my mp3 is kinda wonky now ANNNNNNNND if i twitch the headphone inlet a lil bit, the bass part is totally cut off and so is the melody...actually..just most of the really loud parts are cut off..BASICALLY..i can hear the very well blended middle voices harmony better...WOOHOO!! i can actually hear exactly wad the tenors sing..how cool is tt?! ahaha...so yes...tts to keep myself entertained..heh..

and wad am i doing here online blogging when i shld be studying you ask? well..i'm bored of studying...really..i'm sick of it...yesterday was anatomy exam..goodness...i wanted to die of boredom doing it...not coz it was easy (FAR from tt in fact) but coz i was getting sooo tired of trying to recall facts and vomit it all out..i just wanted to get out of tt exam hall fast ..seriously..it was torture...now i just hope i pass...stupid..they had to ask abt radial nerve when i studied median nerve like crazy coz there was more..BLEAH!!! i just wanna pass...REALLY...sigh..

2mr is psych and thurs is physio..goodness...physio...i really hope i can pass tt WELL..i have no reason to fail tt really..its A level bio...if i fail tt or get a D or C i swear...i will just....i dunno man...ARGH! ok fine...C is still ok considering i'm doing all this kinda last min-ish but..ARGH!!! AIM HIGH! AIM HIGH!!

and i just have to say sth once again...i really dun like selfish people..really..i say dun like coz now i think HATE is too strong a word to use...

i understand how we all have our own lives to lead and the ups and downs we experience are different and add to our own bank of memories and emotions and perception..but really...i think there comes a point in time where i dun see the point in trying to understand anymore..coz...ppl then to dwell soo much into it tt they begin to live in their own world..i can understand everyone needs their own space and are entitled to their own private time but really..

when it happens too much..
where do the other ppl in your life come in??
do friends suddenly just become a chore?
an OUTSIDE thing?
another part of your life tt you have but cannot serve to fufil your "duties" to at the moment?

JUST WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR? what purpose do they serve? can a person really exist in this world without friends? would that person really MISS OUT on a whole lot without friends? i guess everyone sees the "function" of friends in a diff light coz of all our diff needs and ideas in and about life..

i still dun really know the answer to tt qn really...i have an answer and some cliche-d ideas which make sense but they really dun capture the full essence and "function" of a friend...but to me..a friend is :

- another version of YOU

- someone you can rely on to be there to share in your worst and most wonderful events in your life without having to worry you're dampening thier mood or wadsoeva

-to be JUST as goofy as you are and also to be JUST as serious as you are

-someone you can CLICK with on more than just one level and be COMFORTABLE with

-someone you can just BE YOURSELF around

-someone you dun have to IMPRESS or put a FALSE front to sustain or give reason to keep being a friend to you

-someone you pretty much love really ( as a friend of course)

-someone you love so much tt you learn to love thier flaws (melia's famous quote) as well and to embrace them as who they are as a person

- STICKS with you through thick and thin ( cliche but VERY true)

the list just goes on but really.. think about it and ask yourself..have you been a GOOD friend lately? ha...its good to reflect once in a while...i know I am..reflecting tt is..heh..back to psych.. back to top?

i came online just to type sth very short and sweet..

today was one of the BESTEST birthdays ANYONE can ever ask for..really..

-taking a walk with one of your best buds (blob in this case) from home to orchard and orchard in circles and rounds and to GWC and in rounds and then home... in skirts! HA!

- spending the day with the other blob doing wad we love most..SINGING!! tried to teach her butterfly..but i think the score is wrong...hmmm..or is it just me? i dunno..

-meeting the GANG to SING!!!! YAY!!! nth more could have made my day any better seriously..it was just butterfly, butterly and MORE butterfly..with a lil have yourself a merry lil chirstmas..ahaha..but good...we're getting better...slowly..slowly..now tt we are gonna have a new member and we're gonna have a score soon (hopefully) ..YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

- and fio.. the next time we meet up..you HAVE to come along..you are like more or less confirmed in the group liao..ahaha..YAY!!! i REALLY can't wait! goodness!! I MISS ALL YOU GUYS!!! man...how i wish we were all still in sch..its the ease of meeting to sing..the EASE..how OFTEN we cld meet up and sing..my goodness...i miss it all...BADLY....

19..
-i'm old
-i need to sing more often
-i need to study my ass off for the next few days
-i'll be freeee!!!! ......soon..heh..
-i need to sing
-i need to sing

and did i miss sth out??

OH! its..........


I NEED TO SING!!!!

MORE !!! back to top?

tired:

i'm so tired of studying...i'm soo tired of always pushing myself and disciplining myself..forcing myself to study..having to do well..but its all for myself..no one else ..who wldn't want the best for themsleves?

but the best comes with a whole load of hardwork...and i need to do it..but sometimes i really wanna take a break off this workerholic side of me..this worry-some side of me..it just gets soo tiring..

its fear...FEAR that DRIVES me to work..its scary but true..

and the drowsy medicine the doc gave me isn't exactly helping...

disfigured:

pimples have taken over my face...i offically declare my face in a state of emergency..this is the WORST state my face has been in the last 18 yrs of my life...

i have pimples on all 3 problem spots..my nose area, my chin area and of course my forehead..

i dunno if its just the effect of hormones coz of my period ( which is late btw) or pure stress or wadeva..or just my face screaming tt it needs some professional help..

my mum even asked if i need a dermatologist...i really dunno..yes val, i hear you screaming :

"JUST GO NESS DAMMIT!"

but yea..if they dun get any better aft my exams..i'll consider gg..

sick:

yes...obviously...i'm still sick..

but i am unable to get adequate rest coz of work..i need to study..so i have to battle the drowsy effects of medication..haha..

the doc said tt i'm really blocked up and congested internally with all the mucus and phlegm..yikes..and i'm still coughing really bad..goodness..

stressed:

EXAMS!! whywhywhy must you exist? ok..no..lemme rephrase tt..

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO COME SOOO SOON??!! without leaving me enough time to prepare for your arrival and the challenge you bring?! goodness...i feel soo tired out having to do this SUPER SPEED studying ...

stress has caused me my pimples, my late period..UGH! when period doesn't come...means sth else somewhere will go haywire...whywhywhy?! WHY HAVEN'T YOU SHED FUNCTIONAL LAYER?! not tti love having period or anything..but.. hahaha..dun mind me..

must be the medication..

but you know wad? i dun actually FEEL stressed? i just come up with tt conclusion by observing the changes made to my body..thats scary...i'd rather have the cry to let it all go kinda thing than let it have an effect on my body...tt time A's and prelims like tt also wad...tts how i developed my burping thing..hiaz..

deprived:

as always...

I NEED TO SING!!!!

man..and again i have to prioritise..studies over singing..its a cruel country we live in..the need to excel is soo great...once you loose out...you can kiss your future goodbye...

singing and music is my way of destressing..taking away all the tension and pressure from within..i realised i really had LOTS of chances to sing in CJ..sang almost evryday of the week..every morning b4 lessons..sitting at the bench singing...i'm soo vulnerable..its like...the lack of this very impt occupation can impare my optimal functioning level..man..OT stuff coming in..i wanted to post sth abt OTTP i rmb..next time lah..i think the post is long enough liao..tt will be a good entry..when tt entry comes up..read it ok? ahaha..

to whoever read this blog is worried abt my state of health, I SAY TO YOU..

"BE NOT AFRIAD.."

ahaha...i'll be fine lah...just need to hang on a while more..i can do it!! I CAN DO IT!!! need red bull or sth..ahaha.. butterfly and tt doblin's flowery vale song also can..yes..can..CAN!! ahaha.. back to top?

man...

i'm addicted ONCE AGAIN..fu lu fu lu..

i am obsessed ONCE AGAIN.. bah dah yah ..

i NEED to sing it..SWEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeTT!!

hiaz...good job i must say..the last attempt..been listening to it non stop man..as in the attempt and the actual original one...must get it right..getting there..getting there..i can't wait for the day we get it right..as in pitch and timing wise..my goodness..tt will be FREAKING cool!!!!

and yes...more ppl are abt to go...ying and anna..too bad i can't go to the party.. stupid exams..RAR..i want it to end dammit...once it does its FREEDOM!!! i still have to study but i'll have more time to SIIING!!! lesser pressing needs to place studies as priority..the only scary thing? clinicals commence the moment hols are over...SOOO SCARY..really..i can't imagine yr 2 man..its like now is only observation for clinicals...but..goodness...scary...and i'll have more time to regain my life..ahaha..

seniors say tt yr 1 is a breeze..yr 2 and 3 are the toughies..yikes...i can only imagine .. my face as of now is suffering an outbreak..obviously due to stress and also maybe coz of mensus..but yea..stress ..i know it...goodness...by the time i get to yr 2 or 3..i wld have no face left..seriously..and all my hair wld have turned white..ahaha..

hiaz...gotta burn my birthday studying as well..how nice huh? so saddening..last yr my bdae i spent it studying for chem mock..now study again..sianess man..oh well..tts life..accpet its challenges as we go along..haha

and i realised i need more girly clothes..the pics ying sent me...i look like.. a bit gender confused..ahaha..and i need to loose weight dammit..i'm barely eating now tt i'm sick and mucus fills my tummy..YET..maybe i'm bloated? with mucus? ahaha..man..this sucks...i need a new face and body..goodness..

study 2mr..sacrificing my saturday to do that..ying's party gotta reject, nick's firworks offer gotta reject..sigh..this is saddening..and i was telling fio today on the way home..i really wonder when my mum will start to "let me go"..seriously..is it only when i hit 21? well..maybe i can wait..its only 2 yrs away...but..hiaz..i dunno..when will she leave me to account for my own actions..to slowly discard the need to have a "curfew"to be more or less ok with coming back latest 11? or 12?..i mean..weekend..fine..i still wld need to consult..coz its family time..sats she's becoming more flexible..sundays i can't bargain much..hmm..dunno lah...everything remains to be seen..i wanna zzzzzzzzzzz...now...fu lu fu lu.. back to top?

haha..in case you can't make head or tail of waf the 2nd sound effect was supposed to be..its the sound you make whenever you suck your mucus back into your nose or when trying to clear your thorat of mucus using your nose..ahahahaha..cool huh? phonics..wad a wonderful thing..

so anyway *kcnghh*...haha..tt is WAAY cooler than using *sniff* ahaha...

so yes..*kcnghh*..i am obviously sick..all that lack of sleep and stress and the sick environment i am in ( ironic tt its the school of health sciences) has resulted in this..and its NOT good especially now that its CRUNCH TIME..STUDY STUDY STUDY..i'm loving it..really!! YEAH RIGHT!! ahaha..trying to psych myself out here..

its only slightly more than a week to the exams and i haven't started..all these extra tests like OTTP are just interferring with my plan..and the amt of things to cover..is like..WHOA!!! like JC mid yr..in fact..maybe a bit more than tt...and i used to start studying for midyrs like AT LEAST 2 weeks in advance and now i have barely over a week..WONDERFUL..how?! die lah..NO NO!! wun die!! can one can one..just adopt " i love having NO LIFE" attitude till its all over..YEAHH!!

do i really scare ppl when i study?! i dunno..i guess tt fear in me drives me to study..tho not all the time..heh..so all who want to be scared into studying with me..pls sign up here..heh heh..i fancy i study better in grps..see ppl study i also study..yes melia..its true..i'm not as self-motivated as you think i am..haha..and i realised wad i need to push myslef other than fear now...its COMPETITION...i need it..i miss it badly..in cj i pit myself against audrey and phyllis...coz they studied almost as hard as i did and their grades were abt the same as mine..so yes..there was competition..healthy competition...it was good..

now...i dun seem to find anyone in the class a "threat" to motivate me to compete against them..not coz i think i'm too good ah..its NOT tt AT ALL..its just..yea...not yet..but i better find it fast..or i'm dead..

ok..tt aside..i spent sat sleeping coz of the flu and today was my sis's confirmation..WHEE!! her confirmation name ? Helena..nice huh? actually when she 1st told me i thot it was under the influence of the song helena by MCR, which she later admitted to it being true..but she went to sereach more and found well..helena, the founder of the true cross, mother of constatine..cool huh? so yea..helena..

went hunting on sat to search for her last min clothes..looked good in the end..better than me lor..i looked like a nurse on confirmation..right fio? haha..tts wad happens when you're confirmed at sec 2 instead of sec 4...mum still more or less buys clothes for you..well..at least for me lah..and when you dun have a older sis..well..yea..my lucky sis..and she will defnitely be doing stuff for the church upon confirmation..her PNW grp..goodgood..my post con class..was a COMPLETE let down..so i left it..became more of a social grp than anything else..and when its full of the bitchy kinda IJ TP girls..just imagine lah..ahahaa

farewells coming up..(thank goodness its the LAST batch)..i think i can FINALLY (and this goes for melia too) actually start leading a school kinda life..like just studying and gg home..it sucks i admit and i dun look forward to it..but as teddy geiger says :" you always want what you can't have"..i need tt kinda life too..i mean..yea..occasional meeting up is fine..but yea..cannot..eats too much into my time..i need it to study..public hols and weekends are times students use to catch up on work ( esp when there is so much , if not why bother)..so everytime i use them up..a BIT heart pain but its ok..hiaz..now..no more excuses aft this one..ARGH! i can't believe i'm saying this! =S

gotta comprimise my study plan to go settle presents..hiaz..expected lah..always expect the unexpected...but really got no choice..but seriously...i agree with melia..we shld leave this present thing to someone else to organise in the future..its getting a bit tiring..dun even noe why we go thru such great efforts sometimes..ha..dun even noe if its appreciated 1/2 the time..heh..sorry..jus in a complaining mood..trying to rationalize things..heh..

so..yes..like dan said..turning 19 in 12 days time..getting older..and as ah pek said :
-grow old liddat one..
-must move on
-things change as we grow old..must put up with it
-no choice..

and i agree..i seem to be living in the past life i used to have and how much more appealing it was..but i can't keep doing tt..its damaging to me and my current life..i need to adapt and function according to my current needs..yes..yes...yes...

was gg to write sth abt choir and how it links to wad i learnt in studying for OTTP today..makes a WHOLE load of sense and wld at the same time better define the course i'm taking and how its diff from PT..but next time lah..too much to read liao.. back to top?

WOOHOOO!!!

friday finally!! the only thing good abt it is tt anatomy is OVER!! as in the pract lah...still got all the major exams in 10 days time..WONDERFUL...the only thing good abt this friday..is tt i can catch up on sleep..and destress and prepare myself for another round of mugging again..

anat pract was BAD!!! study so hard for it and in the end....HIAZ...stuff i didn't study for came out and stuff i studied for i mixed it up and forgot stuff..usually i dun beat myself up THIS hard over tests..but this particular one..i am..

anat is one of the more IMPORTANT subjects related to my profession...and who doesn't wanna be good in the job they do? i wanna be a good OT...like GOOD one...so i need to know anat poroperly..passing it is not enough..i need to pass well..then only can i tell myself i am competent..if not how to treat next time like patient with cut tendons then wad :

" sorry ah..lemme check my text..i not sure if you cut your flexor digitorium superficialis or flexor digitorium profundus.."

??!?!! wld you trust anyone like tt you treat you?!??!! goodness..i wun...so i'm depressed..and i need to make up for it in the written exam coming up ..with all the other major exams...soo........NEXT few weeks are PURE mugging...i wanna do well and well..i basically DUN want to repeat anatomy next yr...UGH..I REFUSE!! i dun wanna be like one of those failure stories of OTs the lecturers told us..NO WAY!! i REFUSE!!

anyway..just got a msg from mrs lok...venue for prague has been changed to SLOVAKIA and visitinv VIENNA AND CZECH REP!!! ARGH!!!! so cooL!! all the EXOTIC places..and not only you get to visit them..you get to SING there...WAD CLD BE COOLER??!?!

haha..well..goona be deprived of singing again this week..coz need to prioritise..studies..sian...but soon..soon...i'll get the chance again..i'll be waiting for tt day in anticipation..ahaha...

ok..tts it for now..need to cacth up on sleep...begin mugging 2mr..sian.. back to top?

this week TRULY sucks...its even worse than tt week which i thought sucked..tt was 2 weeks ago...ARGH!!

BLOODY SHS!!! SOOOOOO MANY slides to study..its ALL a mess..student versions and teacher's versions and there are like 2 versions for each week of student versions...i'm feeling damn worked up now..i HATE gg for a test unprepared and like hardly knowing anything..but i dun think i can afford to study it all now...i've got anat pract on friday as well..same day this bloody SHS test is on..and weighing anat and SHS..anat seems more important to me..i mean..it IS aft all a core module...but i can't afford to fail SHS either...i can't BRING myself to fail it..

i haven't even finished studying anat..i REALLY gotta crash course 2mr..NO online activity for me AT ALL 2mr..if i use the comp is PURELY to read the SHS slides again..my JC distraction is back...and polys dun even have night study..and even if they do..its NOT convenient for me AT ALL..so i dun ahve a chance to GET AWAY form the comp..ARGH!! i need to..even if not for this week..the next few weeks are crucial..exams!!!!! ARGH!!! i hate this man..this SUCKS...SUCKSUCKSUCK!!!!

and STUPID SAOTSC meeting 2mr..at 5pm aft lesson..and i doubt bengbeng wld end at 5 2mr coz its just tutorial instead of normal pract..so meeting at 5 means end at 6 plus..WONDERFUL..i am GOING TO FAIL ANATOMY...why dun they EVER ask when we wld be free to have a meeting?! i mean...like i said..as a exco or a committe...we work as a TEAM..not you up there instructing us on wad to do..guide yes...but NOT instruct...they didn't even tell ask us for our opinion..just send an email saying the meeting details and expect all of us to come...MORONS...seriously..AND..if we dun come..fireballs and acid rain will come pouring on us..SHEESH...i'm sorry if i've been suay enough for my blog to be discovered by any of the OT seniors..but seriously..tts how i feel in the most striaghtfoward way and also the MOST TIRED way..i am gg to sleep...anatomy awaits in a few hrs time..seeing bengbeng in 7 1/2 hrs time..yay? ahaha.. back to top?