If you're here you probably know/knew me
Whatever the case, help yourself to my blahblahs, however interesting they may be.


bolditalicunderlinestrikeout

im in a foul mood

i dunno why

PMS?

i dunno...just highly irritated
cant focus
nothing seems to be gg as planned

i dunno lah
i dont even know wad to "blame"
theres no cause in particular
maybe its just a state of mind

TZAH!!!

anyway...went to wacth HSM3 just now!! its surprisingly good...well..better than wad i expected anyway...its not bad...esp if you've been a follower since HSM1 then...well...its not bad..better than the 2nd one i feel.. W. I. L. D. WILDCATS!

then again..im on a HSM3 high now, after watching it i can better appreciate the songs..haha...im kinda gonna miss the cast..HSM4 is gonna be a new batch of ppl..its gonna be so weird...and on a random note, they should have like disney musicals dance class..ahahah...tt'll be cool..if they had the Boys are Back song it will SERIOUSLY be a workout..AHAHAH..

OK

im back to listening to HSM3 soundtrack
im hoping it will help me calm down if you will
esp the Scream song

TZAH!!! i need to get my head sorted
wads worse is tt i dunno why im really feeling this way
and if i should even feel this way
i really wanna blame everything except myself
but tts impossible
BLEAH

i dont know where to go
whats the right team
i want my own fate
so bad im gonna SCREAM

wad i really mean to say is the last line but..zac efron is singing to me..AHHAH back to top?

admist all the depresssing and deep thoughts gg on

i decided i shld blog about sth happy


yesterday( by this i mean saturday actually) was such an interesting day


it was really like the day of possibilities


like God suddenly decided he wanted to let me know where i was possibly heading


what i was going to do for the next few years of my life


to help me get my gears going

went to TTSH in the morning for FYP business primarily and secondary to that for the TTSH open house..dont wanna delve into too much details so yea..tt was abt it...kin, sarah, sam and i being the only 4 yr 3s there..naturally we got a lot of attention..they were like hungry vultures waitng to attack fresh meat...the moment they heard we brought our transcripts they went beserk...

from just wanting to apply ( thinking tt was the MOST i wld be doing tt day related to my future) we ended up doing that AND an interview...it was like a short chit chat session with the manager, another nice OT and HR personnel and ...i was honest...hopefully i didnt play my weaknesses too much..they asked a lot of those questions where you HAVE to talk abt your weakenesses and you have to make it sound "real" ...theres this thing abt sounding REAL and sincere...you need to SHOW it..even if you are, not showing it wont get you anywhere...


so yea..anyway..tt was it..then we left for city hall...i had lunch with sam...its nice having lunch alone with sam...you get to talk abt your thoughts knowing it'll be taken objectively and an honest opinion given in reply..and you get to bitch abt ppl who stand directly next to you as you eat and they wait for your table...SERIOUSLY RUDE...i feel old when i nag abt the teens but its true...i dunno wassup with them..


anyway..so i headed home aft we walked ard trying to look for jieru's present (and failing miserably at it) and mum told me i had a huge envelope for me...i saw " Hui and Kuah" and i was like...oh....probably more brochures..but it felt light-ish...



and....



YEAA!!! thats where part 2 of the whole glimpse into the future thing came in..

the feeling was so surreal ...well..yes...i didnt like jump and scream...typical ness fashion

i kinda just went " OH! La Trobe replied." and my mum was like " oh..how?" me: "got in lor..yay!"

but it only hit me later..aft i msged val..we applied the same time to the same 4 unis..and apparently she heard from curtin earlier...i didnt..not sure if she got anyting from la trobe...well she wants to go curtin and im more for la trobe...so...wow...cool huh? wait a while more i might get more?
ahahah

anyway..yea..this serves a motivation to maintain my grade now...its like a PHYSICAL piece of motivation..

SWEET

that same surreal feeling i got when i recieved a reply from NUS and NTU...like a sigh of relief tt effort paid off..
NYP was more like a scary exciting feeling..like WOW..here i go!

ahaha

ok...thank goodness its a holiday on monday..need to catch up on some work..
and i shld sleep soon
too much convos online tonight tt made me think
analytic skills put on call once again back to top?

well..

i need to blog to clear my mind

the word tt has been ringing in my head the past few days was..

average

it can be a good thing
it can be a bad thing
it can be a not so good thing
it can be a not so bad thing

its tt kind of word tts so ambiguous
like

interesting

but in any case

yea...ive been really like in the dumps without actually knowing it..
ive been like " WTH am i doing? why the hell am i the way i am? im just tt extra statistic" all week..
i know i need to do well..

then comes the question " for what?"

for uni duh..but...on a more manageable, micro level, school level ...." for what?"
what results can i yield?
where does it go?
what can i gain out of it?

then it just got worse and worse as i pondered..
it got worse as the need to start thinking abt the CV/resume assignment came in
and it got worse when the names for the director's list recipeints was announced for 2mr's ceremony
its not like i was bloody expecting to be on tt list. PUHLEEZE. i know my limits.
its not tt ive done badly in school either
its not tt ive got a bad cca record
its not like i have no ACAREAK to talk abt

but...to fight for tt job...i need to be a good OT..
not a good singer
being a singer means i have a life outside of school i guess
MAYBE an average student might work
and i guess it just got worse as i thought and evaluated myself more...
academically i must stress..

then the qn: why wld i wanna hire me?

then i came home...i poured my woes out to melia online
*long time since i did tt with you melia =)*
and just within 3 sentences of her reply i felt fine
coz i guess all i really needed to remind myself was

just do your best
*thanks for reminding me melia*

its been the way ive viewed any exam and test since day one
after the horribly depressing PSLE results
do your best
and you are really the only person tt you are answerable to
if your best is a sucky grade then so be it...work with it..its bound to take you somewhere somehow..
if your best is KICK ASS then GO KICK THEM ASS

the aim is..just to do your best

yes

i needed to blog to remind myself of that
i lost sight of it
who knew it'd have such a great effect

ahaha

anyway..im looking forward to thursday...it shld be quite fun..nvr wld i have imagined myself gg for dance lessons..like seriously.....the last time was like chinese dance ( didnt we all -__-) in pri 2 or 3...not to mention i need to lose them blubber..too bad you cant join us fio! maybe next week if we're gg again and if your back's ok =) YAY! yanyan and maymay! i'm excited!!! ahaha

and there are 2 21sts coming up

presents! oh no!
attire! oh no!

ok..i shld get back on my "do your best" plan now and read my journals.. back to top?

its coming to the end of saturday already

so fast

i didnt do any work today

as usual

and it just occured to me today at mass tt i NEED to maintain my grades this sem

i have no freaking flippin choice

this is THE grade tt counts

my gad

this sucks

yea..i think abt a lot of things during mass...
my mind tends to wander sometimes
i try hard to keep it on holy stuff
and listen to homily
but yea..

ESP when the view is great from where you're seated

LOVELY

was so freakin distracted for the 1st time in a looooong time

ahahah

anyway..

yea...i NEED to keep my grades up so its time i start oiling my engines
i need to get in da zone yo
i still feel like im in holiday mood
i know theres a hell lot to do in the next few weeks of this very short term
everyone's freaked out with the amt of assignments and tests we have to do in this short sem of 9 weeks

YEP

i know its only 9 weeks
and yet its still not sinking in
maybe i have to let it start to sting a lil before i act

tts good ol' ness's way of doing things i guess
but it bad...bad bad bad..

ok..wad else?

oh..my grandma saw my extremely tanned back today..maybe coz i was wearing a white racer so the contrast was greater but yea...she went " aiyohhh..why you become so or or one?! Dont swim so much ah...girls cannot have big shoulders...ugly.. you see all the swimmers, joscelyn yeo..look like man...dont want ah.."

but...me likey swimming too much to stop and anyway..its not like i get the chance to swim a lot or anything nowadays...so yea..ahaha..

hiaz...ok..im bored..im supposed to be reading my journal articles...but..yea...OK ill read them now then i'll watch whose line is it anyway..ahaha... back to top?

AHAHAHH!!

got back from an evening of kbox

yea..

this thing gets addictive

v good destressing tool
hanging out activity

expensive but its alright once in a while i guesss

dont worry melia, we'll go again when we're all back =)

got home at 12
lucky no school 2mr
but gg to sch at 830 to swim with sarah
and then there's all the other meetings
im gg in my sis's old one piece
no way in hell will i ever wear my 2 piece in school
i need to get a new one piece i tell you

speaking of swimming
fio, when you wanna swim lemme know k?
i'll join you whenever i can

andddddd
i wanna play badminton too
someone?
anyone?
i just did on wed but yea...hehhehheh

HIAZ

its gonna be friday
and as the weeks pass
i get a lot busier
9 weeks of school
WOW


ok i dun wanna think abt it
im thankful for the weekend tts abt to come =)

too tired out
from good fun =)
thanks you guys
you guys rock
ive been thinking a lot abt how im gonna miss you lot in sg when i fly over next yr
who am i gonna hang with other than the ppl from school?
why do you guys have to be so uniquely crazy?
HAHA

the kind of fun we have is the kind tt i can only describe as the kind tt requires you or allows you to disinhibit while feeling TOTALLY safe...i love you guys for tt..
HIAZ

ok..im off to sleep lah..
this is even more depressing to think abt...

and might i add..

ANOTHER freako msged me on facebook...

in summary:
bad face, bad brain, bad english

im linking the brain capacity to english so yea

HAAHAH!

BETCH BETCH BETCH! back to top?

well..

its the last few days of my hols

have i done all tt i have set out to do?

well i know ive been asking myself tt question since last week and sadly the answer has not changed

yes, im still stuck on wicked ( somehow its loosing its 'appeal')
yes, im still stuck on gravity (it too is somehow loosing its 'appeal')
yes, my room is still stuck in its messy state ( it LONG lost its appeal)

but in any case

ill still try to complete it
cant stand things hanging somehow
i might procrastinate in getting it done
but it usually gets done eventually
heh

so yea..anyway..met val to go apply for our unis today..
after filling in application forms for 2 universities you kinda lose it already
like you kinda get a lil confused in a way
and get a lil sick of writing your qualifications, telling them doonunda that you DO speak english as a 1st lang and tt you speak it quite well
and spelling 'occupational therapy' an ave of 3 times on each form ..its tiring ok..

we spent abt 1hr 45 mins there filling in forms, eating their sweets as we did and answering questions the counsellor asked as we filled in the forms abt how we like the course, wads ot about, our families, if we were leaving a boyfriend behind when we go -__-...shes's a nice lady..place run by husband and wife..cool..ive met them on several occasions at fairs and all and answered all my questions and sent me stacks of prospectus to me once...it was bloody cool...if you wanna know, its called hui and kuah...princess went to them b4...and yea..they good =)

anyway..aft tt went to meet ma folks at vivo then did the usual shopping for gorceries and some random shopping and then went home, mass then to grandma's. at grandma's i had the sudden thought..actually not just today..last week too..

wad wld happen when my grandma passes away?

i mean..im no longer as close to her as i was b4..esp aft tt huge fight she had with my dad aft my grandfather's death..it really soured everything..

but she's still my grandma

and i hate to think how it wld be when she goes
i know it will come
and i know i will end up howling like mad or even WORSE as compared to my grandfather's
and i dont want to

and then the same thought tt melia entertained once
which distressed her
what happens if it happens when im over there?
bloody hell
im sorry if i cldnt empathise then melia
but i can better now
i know if it happens it happens..but its never easy to stomach that..

UGH
ok i dont wanna think abt it

and well..since im in the reflective mood
and since i just read dan's blog (which was also a reflective post)
here are my thoughts:

i guess i too kinda just drifted through school
as a nobody to most in pri sch
i had my own little dramas here and there (which were v traumatising btw)
but tt was abt it

then sec sch came
and i kinda grew i guess
well..i was still kinda a nobody
but i was a lil better than tt if ppl DID take notice who was singing up on the balcony with someone else ( fio, melia, lisa or yimei , depending) for morning assemblys..every mon, wed and fri......right?
then i wld have been known as one of the 'morning singing girls'
if anyone knew me
it'd be singing related
tt i sung
or tt i taught tone-deaf ppl how to sing ( miricle worker i say..AHAH!)

cool huh? like some mini popstar..HAHA!

JC..
still kinda a nobody
choir kinda defined me again i guess
this time a little better
VP
but still a nobody unless you knew tt i was in choir
unless you saw tt i was trying to teach ppl how to sing at st cecilia and trying to pound notes on the piano
unless you saw me dragging keyboards from the cupboard to the LT
unless you rmb how my only appearance on stage to sing sth ended up in singing wrong stuff and droppping the lyrics as it piao-ed its way to the bottom of the stage (sorry i had to bring it up again jon, but it was one of those moments of you CAN'T forget no matter how hard you try..ahah!)
UGH!
or unless you noted how i stayed back for night study almost every night near promos and A's
i miss those times btw..tt intensity..lovely..( im sure melia and princess miss it too)

and if i didn't know you and you did all of the above, i'd say you were stalking me.

now in nyp?
im an EVEN bigger nobody in the school
in the OT course
im the senior who was in the SAOTSC
the girl who can sing
the girl who can play the guitar
the girl who has an acappella group
the girl who we can rely on to provide last min performances for small SAOTSC functions ahahahah! at least while we were still in office..
and when we grad,
the girl who was chairman of the student conference -_________-

but i guess the conclusion here is...
i dont mind being a 'nobody'
its always allowed me to observe
and allowed me to shine where i know i can shine
it works for me
and i guess ill continue being a 'nobody'
but hoping to be less of a nobody as i go along
it has been put into action...slowly..but surely..

hiaz...ok...tts enough reflection for today..
ill start my depression 2mr..
OH! gg to watch mamma mia again 2mr!! WOOHOO!! back to top?

well well well

so the 3rd week of the hols have passed

im still not getting very far with my agenda but im slowly crawling my way there

so what was interesting in the past week?

well..went out, went idp to enquire applications (and yes jon, decided not to go to them anymore ahaha), went khad's house for hari raya food and goodies consumption..

and unless you count some random guy who HAPPENED to spot my apparent " warm and attractive" smile on facebook and decided to msg me to " get to know me" as interesting then yea...

UGH!!

the more i think abt it..the more i feel sick..

and sad for myself

if you want more details (some of you already have them) msg me online and i'd be glad to show you full details..yes...i am THAT bored

anyway...my last week of hols start 2mr...tts bloody soon..ill have my sis for company now tho..welll for some of the days...then its back to school for us..

OH! we went to wacth the ABBA tribute concert yesterday..it was GOOOD...i mean..ok..nothing beats the real ABBA but somehow its sth abt LIVE music that makes you enjoy the song tt much more...you can groove to it, let your hair down..

it was BLOODY cool tt EVERYONE got up the moment dancing queen the INTRO came on and EVERYONE was just up on their feet and moving in the ESPLANADE theatre (dont ask me why not the concert hall)..the crowd tt day had a lot of ang mohs so tt really made the diff..but a lot of the locals got up (my family included) and just sang our hearts out and were diggin' the daaaancing queeeennnnn *oooooooooo oooooooooo* AHAHHA!! you guys shld have been there..

there was this girl in the row in front of us tho who kept looking back at my sis and i...i guess she was wondering how come we knew the words to the songs...not all...but most i guess....sheesh man..she looked jealous actually..AHAHAHAHH!!

they chose to come at the right time man..with mamma mia in cinemas and all..ahaha..may, your mum and you shld go try to catch this ABBA tribute if you guys still can...they're really from sweden and they wear the ABBA-ish clothes and do the typical ABBA moves..ahahaa!!

there was this family of 3, elderly couple and their daughter? friend? they didnt look like they moved a lot or wadeva but i guess they enjoyed it a lot coz as we were walking out i heard them saying " yea..tts the way man..just let loose and let your hair down.." AHAHAH! so cute..

ok..2mr lunch with dr uma and class...i still havent decided wad to wear..and...hiaz..yet another member of staff gg..i need to swim and ....i need to finish gravity and learn my part for because...and read wicked...ahahahahah! and reply tt moron when im feeling evil.. back to top?