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hiaz....

just got home...

it was fun...nice..dressing up and all..food was nice...nice atmosphere..it was bloody cold tts for sure..the last time i felt tt cold was in LT1 in Cj during chem lect..OH MY..well..it was overall a nice evening..tank you por inbiting us mam...=)))

and yay!! i dunno abt wad..but just felt like saying it...haha...

2mr i'll dieeeeeEEEeeee...fu lu fu lu...

OH!!!! i got a new pair of specs today!!!!! its....i'll just load the pic...

ahhaa..nicenice??! ahaha..i was having a hard time debating btwn this and the black and grey...i nvr had a pair of black specs b4..i looked....studious and professional..ahaha...it was very "me" in a way...but my parents were saying this was better and the moment the optician lady was commenting that " a lot of youngsters nowadays chose black specs lah..." i was like...THATS IT! NO BLACK! ahaha...so there you go..woohoo!!!!

wad else....hmm...oh yea...i'm starting to regret having taken up this junior editor role thingy for school...its too....interrupting..hiaz...seniors bugging us for stuff to happen already....and we haven't even started..its just one other girl and myself...nice..gotta get to work on monday or sth..gotta at least plan deadlines and stuff...hiaz.....like i dun have enough trouble handling my own life and studies i still have to do this...hiaz...oh well..i volunteered so i have to see it thorugh...but then again...i volunteered under pressure.....so...hiaz..isn't this enough reason to just quit?! OH WELL....we'll give it a shot...for all i know...i may feel more connected and soo much more enthusaism in the SC aft doing this..ahaha..

btw..they already sent us one of the articles for editing...and...well...i was expecting sth more interesting to read...but the 1st sentence was a put-off liao...my standards are not very high...as long as i have sth to keep me wanting to read...its good enough..no need flowery lang and all..BUT the one thing i get TURNED-OFF most abt any article is when they start off like this :

"On the 25th of december 2006, 6 young aspiring singers made their way to..."

the moment i see dates in the beginning of any articles its a big NO NO for me man...hiaz..at this age still writing articles like tt? i wrote like tt in pri school man..and maybe sec 1 and 2...i'm not saying tt my writing skills are fantastic or anything but really...need to improve their writing skills...into sth tt wld INTEREST ppl to read..its a bloody newsletter dammit...MAKE ME WANNA READ IT!!! hiaz...i guess tts where i come in....i've got no qualms abt editing the whole way its phrased but tts like MAJOR restructuring...and i dun wan like..when the newsletter comes out..then the ppl who wrote it read it and like........................not happy....yea...tts bad too..see how lah...sianded sia...

only got 2mr to study anat man...mon and tues end late...wed clinical then thurs already anat pract lor....stupid supervisor said to call on tues to find out abt wed..wth..if need furthur readings then how?! no time lor....STOOPID...monday gonna call liao lah...dun care man...

and btw...i misss school...as in yea........i miss being ard my friends...my choir friends esp...hiaz.......wish we cld see each other everyday ...just like school...crap everyday..just like school...sing everyday...just like school...-i'm trying to go for the "just like kindergarten" effect here hahaa-...hiazzzzzzzzzz...wear uniform!!! i miss wearing uniform..i look more defined...ahaha..in a way..heh..hiaz..and i bought a jacket today...damn fast purchase man..my fastest purchase above 25 bucks...aahha...YAY!! thanks guys =)

back to top?

wahhhhhh

happy happy joy joy...i'm glad things are starting to take form..i see direction...this is great...really good..=))

and i got my clinical posting....its Bizlink..a vocational rehab area..to help ppl with disabilities find work...its in.....CHAI CHEE!!! where in the world.....isn't tt super far for me??! but i htink its on the same line as tiong lah...so maybe not THAT bad...hopefully its near the mrt or sth...oh goodness...and lucky i;m gg with someone...and she's a nice girl..so YAY!! i hope this clinicals wun be as bad as i imagine it to be...pray..pray...

need to go get a skirt...2mr..yay! need to..if not nth to wear lah..bought a new black polo tee at GWC b4 bible study with melia..has a red logo..looks a lil sookee-ish but..no choice..the white one din have my size.. and when i got home to try it..looked sth like a waitress uniform...ahaha..oh well..11 bucks only...can lah..wad more can you ask for man?? ahaha...

hiaz..wad else?? butterfly is rocking my socks off...WOOHOO!!! haha..and i think cassie, some singer looks like baby vee...ahaha...really..and i just realised..cass-my sis..and well..yours truly (i'm NOT admitting to being called baby vee here ok??!)..sheesh man..all the vanessas tt have made it big somehow always i get linked to them..sheesh man..too bloody common a name...kwekton lah..now.........goodnesss.....eeeeeeeeee.....and i dun wan any troy bolton comments on tt tagboard over there...........................ESP YOU DAN.......... back to top?

hiaz..

ok..so the end of the week has finally arrived..

SOOOOooooOOOOO blardy tired lah..

i dunno why particularly today..i felt so tired and drained...

went to go and swim somemore when i got home...whoa..i felt alive aft the swim but aft a while...i felt SUPER tired again...tried to be studious and read my required readings for LLD ( lifestyle and lifespan dev) and well aft 5 pages i needed to go take a nap..which turned into a DEEP sleep...ahaha...woke for dinner..was abt to go off to bed immediatly but i need to tune my body clock man...so here i am...haha

so...wad have i done this whole week? welll...the angel-mortal game in school has started...i know... a lot of you prob gg "O_o...so big already still playing angel-mortal game??" well..when you have to attempt to bring the seniors and juniors together...this is one of the ways...i was one of those who didn't like the idea...coz the game is so...........not-lasting..perishable!! tts the word..the hype dies down fast...oh well..the seniors, ALL of them were for it apparently so.....we had to go with it lor....my angel still hasn't written to me..and i still haven't written to my mortal too...AHAHAH! oh well...i'll get down to it asap..

wad else? oh yea...CLINICALS!!! they are COMING!!! OH NO!!!! 2 weeks from now every wed i wld be gg down to some home and be attached to a supervisor and observe and learn and have to submit a reflection EACH session to let it be graded...i REALLY hope i get a nice supervisor..we had to write a CV kinda thing to let them have a brief idea abt our learning styles and our personalities...ahaha...did the DISC thing again and a learning style test..

DISC test turned out a lil diff from when i was in sec 4...in sec 4 i was a I and a S.. but now i'm a S and C..haha here's a low down:

D- Dominance
Emphasis on shaping the environment by overcoming opposition to accomplish results

This person tendencies include:
-gettingimmediate results
-causing action
-accpeting challenges

This person desires an environment which includes:
-power and authority
-prestige and challenge
-opportunity for individual accomplishments

I-Influencing of others
Emphasis on shaping the environment by bringing others into alliance to accomplish results

This person's tendencies include:
-contacting people
-making a favourable impression
-verbalizing with articulateness

This person desires an enviromment which includes:
-popularity, social recognition
-public recognition of ability
-freedom of expression

S-Steadiness
Emphasis on cooperating with others to carry out the task

This person tendencides include:
-performing an accepted wrok pattern
-sitting for staying in one place
-demonstrating patience

This person desires an environment which includes:
- security of the situation
-status quo unless given reasons for change

C- Compliance ( to standards)
Emphasis is on working with existing circumstances to promote qulaity in products or services

This person's tendencies include:
-attention to key directives and standards
-concentrating on key details
-working under unknown circumstances

This person desires an environment which includes:
-security assurances
-standard operating procedures
-sheltered environment


hahaa...i guess its kinda true lah...oh well..i shld be reading on piaget now..the psychologist.....hiaz...ok...OFF..craters appearing again..ugh.. back to top?

so HOW was it?

ok lah..

really... better than i expected...

the only interesting thing to today was the fact tt ppl called up suppliers to check the cost of this particular textbook we have to buy for lifestyle and lifespan development..the thickness if abt the sec sch bio book with abt maybe 2 or 3 chapt worth of thickness added to it...guess how much it costs (as quoted by research books asia)?

$175

YES

for a STOOPID textbook...we all got a shock..

but someone else called elsewhere and they quoted 80+...my goodness...can you imagine how much research books asia earns?! its like more than double lah the price they provided..madddnessssss......

BUT duh...

we sourced for an even CHEAPER tho not encouraged method to get wad we wanted...and its waaaay cheaper...so...yea..ahahaahh!!!

conclusion: tertiary education is expensive man..really..every sem you need new texts..OUCH..kinda...its like pri school..but the texts cost 10 times more..ahaha..sigh..why can't they just do it like sec sch or JC..sheesh! ahaha..

and wad else?

oh...i tried to be studious today...studied a bit...like read the physio lect notes in advance for 2mr's and read up on bones for4 lower limb based on today's anat lect...hopefully this discipline in me lasts till the end of 3 yrs and benefits me somehow...

and....i'm in the same group as sarah!! for PBL...YAY!! ahaha..and...wad else ah...OH! got 2 new additions to my class...i like one of them...she's nice..worked with her b4..and the other.......................NO COMMENTS...esp aft wad uma said today abt lecturers reading ppl's blog..sheesh man..it leaks out somehow...

so...i wun mention names not coz i'm a wuss but its not worth gg thru a law suit and all just for ppl like tt..sheesh!! if you ask me...if you go blog surfing...you HAVE to be mentally prepared for ppl's remarks/ comments ( good or bad) abt you...

its THAT person's perspective abt life and its happenings...if you happen to be a part of the person's life then you have to be prepared to see your name there and be prepared to read stuff tt you may or may not be happy abt...

i mean...ppl argue tt blogs aren't exactly private..i agree...but i also say..if you can't even express your thoughts and views abt life's happenings then where does individuality come in? if we have to be sooooo"reader friendly" everytime we blog...then you might as well develop templates for ppl to blog so tt they dun hurt ppl's feelings...like have a standard blog entry format for when you feel :

-angry
-sad
-happy
-excited
-disgusted

i'm also not saying tt its then alright to not consider ppl's feelings and just write and slam ppl...personal expression you might argue..but ppl do have feelings too and because you have a blog and its accessible to anyone..you shld practice some form of sensitivity..aiyah..

at the end of the day...you need to have a brain and think rationally..really..as in..know how to balance the 2 lah..having too much of one or the other is just gonna either hurt ppl ard you and get you into trouble even legally but being too reader friendly also limits and stilfes your own individuality..everyone is entitled to their views and outlook of their life in their own perspective..and unless you are ready to face tt fact head on....i suggest.....you dun read blogs...just go watch some cinderalla or snow white video...make yourself happy by turning a blind eye...really...

tt was almost gonna develop into a GP essay man...man..i miss GP...i can just imagine them coming up with tt qn for some exam or sth...so cool.....haha..

-fu lu fu lu- back to top?

2mr is BACK TO SCHOOL....

*WHINNNNNNEEEEESSSSS* DUN WAN!!!!

i hate my new timetable
-means i gotta spend more time in school
-means i gotta burn my brain more
-gotta put up with more nonsense
-can't really be myself
-dun wanna go to clinicals
-phobia of doing worse at the end of the sem exams

i dun wannnnnnnn

really

really

dun wan...

but i dun have a choice..

i have to...so i guess i have to...

i wan my frens with me...CJ frens..choir ppl, classmates...all....they made the going better..

" when the going gets tough...the tough get going.."

i need emotional support now to get me gg in all the other aspects of school life...i need MOTIVATION!!!!

hopefully friendships develop this sem..i am gonna be more open abt my feelings..i dun really care..now...i am gonna be open...well..not ALL the way...just MORE...yea..haha..

i really pray and hope for the best this term...i am determined to push my GPA from 2.85 to 3.2 or sth...RAR!

i wanna SIIIIING!!!

" you'll be myyyy...lullabyyyy...toooooooomoooooroooooww i'll diiiiiiieeeeeeeee"

if only i had ppl to sing tt with in school...i wld be happier....

i need to stop wanting a CJ in a NYP...diff ppl..diff environment.....

I WANNA BE IN A CATHOLIC SCHOOL...AGAIN!!!!

=((((((((

NO!! SCHOOL IS FUN!!!

I AM DETERMINED TO EXCEL THIS SEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! back to top?

was watching oprah just now..abt young kids as young as 3 or 4 yrs old already hating the way they look..tts darn scary lah..they haven't even gone to kindergarten lah..

the 3 yr old hates the way she looks..she runs to her mum crying, saying she's ugly..she insists her mum puts make up for her and when her mum doesn't she cries..

the 4 yr old is conscious of her weight..and no...she's not a single bit fat..she's already watching her waistline at 4 yrs old..

and guess wad?

the 3 yr old's mum said she used to have self esteem problems as a kid..
the 4 yr old's mum siad she used to be anorexic as a teen..

its scary...its so difficult to be a parent..really..

they were saying at tt age..children are at the peak of their psychic ability..they can sense the energies ard the room and all..so even tho you can be verbally telling your kid tt she's beautiful and all..the energy of the wounds of your past will show somehow and rub off on your kid..they sense it...

they featured this 19 yr old who had had this prob since she was 7..my goodness...i look at her and i dun understand how she can feel the way she does abt herself...really... she's pretty and slim..she models dammit..but she says there are times she can't take it and leaves the room during photo shoots..

and watching tt show..really opened my eyes to how hard it is to be a parent...i mean..not tt i never knew b4..but yea..it just illustrates WHY its hard..and they ended the show with an ad from dove..i think its a really good ad... its for the dove self esteem fund...its good dove is doing things like tt..i mean..tt ad on using REAL women for the body wash ad was a good step..really...



i worry for my kid ( if i have one).. i'm so scared my insecurities abt myself will rub off on her..coz its really a representation of the parent's fears except tt its not kept within..its actually SHOWN to you..and well..the last thing any parent wld want for their kid is to go thru the difficulties tt they did..why wld you want your kid to experience pain tt you did? if you do..then you are one warped parent man..please...leave your kid in the care of another..please..

well...tts where ppl think we can do without God i guess...always rmb..God brought you and your partner together..he is IN tt union with you...means he is WITH you in your family..ahaha..sounds like yesterday's homily...everywhere was talking abt marriage and divorce coz of the gospel for tt week..and sth father said really hit me:

he was quoting this scenario
-he asked this girl whether she had a bf, she said no
-he asked if she's prayed to God asking Him to send her the right one b4, she said no coz its like..sometimes we take it as a matter of fate and luck and stars colliding or sth...ahaha
-he said, we pray b4 we take exams, b4 our 1st job interview...basically..b4 anything tts impt..
-then why dun we pray for God's intervention in this process? is marriage not seen to be impt as well? if not MORE impt than your 1st job interview and exam? coz its a life-long exmaination ya noe..ahaha

so yea..hiaz...oh well..makes you think man..things like tt...oh well

anyway..i'm happy tt it has been cleared up but still freaked over the recent happenings tho..coz it makes no sense..it clashes..and the only theory i can com up with to explain such behaviour is tt there is a sense of desperation..really...eeee...ahaha..still i'm happy its NOT me..ahahaa!!!!! back to top?

well..had a nice weekend...

a music filled staurday...tt was good...finally tried butterfly ...needs a lot of polishing up to do...need ot be more receptive to each other's criticisms on our voices and CONFIDENCE and PITCH..yea..slowly...slowly..

HIGHLIGHT OF STAURDAY??

VIENNA BOYS' CHOIR!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOHOO!! finally sia...they are DARN PURE...really...25 of them tt night only..and my goodnesss...the blend and quality is crazy man..really really...WOW...and as usual..well...you guys know wad i did lah..so if you wan...just msg me online..ahahaa...like drugs like tt sia...

SO ANYWAY......

today aft mass we were drving to funan for lunch AND...GUESS who we saw?!

yep...THE VIENNA BOYS' CHOIR!!! on the STREETS...they walked in a whole bunch with the conductor in front and 2 adults behind..it didn't look like them at first..looked like some exchange prog kids but looka lil longer recognized the conductor and some of the boys! ahaha COOL!!!!!they crossed the road in front of my car..COOL...took a pic..







COOL HUH?! ahaha...







my sis and i got soo excited we were scrambling for our phones..ahahaa...see melia..this is the advantage of having a cam phone...you can take pics anytime, anywhere!

ok..but aside from tt..well..it was lil daniel's 3rd birthday party today..din really get to play with him today..he was busy playing with other kids..he did come and thank us for the present and gave us a peck on the cheek each...ahhhhhhhh...so heart warming..the innocence of kid....

and well..while at the esplanade on sat..they were having this display of these wire stuff by an local artist..it is BLOODY cool man..took some pics..take a look...really nice..ahaha..

-hands shaking here..sorry..heh..

-i like this one the most...COOL man..tribute to ET..ahaha..no..not the REAL ET DUH..ahaha..

-i like this pic too..it actually 4 couples all in varying sizes..i din noe there was a 4th couple when i took it..so yea...heh..

pwetty widdle budderfwies..ahaha..

ahahaha well.tts abt it i guess...last week of hols next week...gonna make the best out of it in any way possible..ahaha..sat steamboat WHEE!!! sing!! WHEE!!! happy! whee!! and i hope the haze doesn't return...i took a pic of the skyline from the car on the way to esplanade..tt was the WORST PSI for the yr tt day..yea..for ppl who are in aus or sth...yea..this is for you..illustrating PSI 145 and above..

-no..its not the clouds or rain or wadeva..its HAZE...

- THIS is REALLY bad..ahha

back to top?

-just b4 i start...just wanted to apologize for the whining and self-centred post from this early mornig of 130 am..i'm not removing it tho..coz it IS truly wad i feel..its just tt i'm being more open abt it now..-

heh heh..

not tt my USB port is working..its still down..just tt i've successfully loaded them onto my OTHER comp..ha..so here we go ..the CJ trail...

1st stop..THE newly-renovated LIBRARY!!!

-the "right" side of the entrance of the library..the side where the sofas used to be..

-the "left" side of the library..the big area of tables...is still a big area of tables..hah..

notice the floor looks shinier? ahaha..

CANTEEN!!!

-still looks the same..and i quote mr foo: THE KING is STILL the KING! NOODLE KING WOOHOO!! ahaha..

-lovely teh bing damn i miss it..hahaa..and yes i had yong tau foo..

-where the ODAC guys and julia(ha!) do their chin ups and where we watch the guys during PE struggle to flex thier biceps, latissimus dorsi....ahhaaa...

-my ALL TIME FAVE HANGOUT...(kinda blur coz i was walking and taking)

-my NEXT fave hangout place (evan looks ghostly..ahaa)

-whoever was back tt day excluding evan..haha..all seated in our LT positions..

-well visited place of all time..TOILET..ahaha!

-see any differences? i think it makes the school look brighter..

-aud and lee pin

-and this is wad i started the day with everyday without fail..i miss reading tt..it made a diff..

-my 3rd most fave place in school..every morning..without fail..

-the scenery tt continues aft this point ( my brief moments of relaxation aft lects back to class)

-MY CLASSROOM..now its taken by 2T12..=S BEST view ever of any trouble or joy coming our way..ahaa..

tts math scribbled on the board btw..ahaha..stats..

-i took this for princess...BEHOLD..THE WALKWAY ..and toilet..places of congregation..ahaha..

-view from the walkway ..in case some of you miss tt..see if you can spot a diff anywhere..

random comment : dun you think CJ looks soo much BRIGHTER and HOME-IER compared to other JCs? ahaha..i'm not JUSt saying tt coz i was form Cj...i've been ard..haha..

BACK!

-where we got our A's results..and the scenery for my 1st 3mnths..heh..

-2nd most effective study corner, and my only place of "control"..the choir cupboard..ahaha

and yes..the view most of us (if not NONE of us have ever seen) THE STAFFROOM..the INSIDE..ahahaa...its kinda blur..took it on the sly..heh..

and well..tt just abt sums up the whole CJ trail here..ahahaa...rocks to have a CLEAR cam on your hp..aahhaa..and well..yea...to all you ppl who miss the school..this was done esp for you =) CHEERS! back to top?

- pls ignore this post if it disturbs you or evokes negative feelings, none of that intended-

you ask me why i have low self confidence...

this is the answer

and i've known it all along

here it is

its because ppl make me develop it

always have to tell myself its not THAT good wadeva i did

so that i can humble myself on all my achievements and nvr allow my self to feel proud abt it

so that i can empathise and be considerate to the feelings of others tt may feel otherwise



i hate it that..

2 times in a row..

i've never been able to express how i TRULY feel abt my achievements...

O's

A's

its not tt i HAVE to or tt anyone asks me to react the way i do

its just tt i care abt the feelings of others ard me and i dun wanna hurt them

and the last thing i hate coming accross as is being a SNOB

i hate snobs

i'm not saying my grades were ALL tt fantastic..to me..they were fine...they were wad i deserve..i WORKED FOR IT...THATS why it mattered to me tt i felt tt kind of joy..

the satisfaction you get from hard work being paid off FOR ONCE

BUT NO

having to stifle tt joy..put it aside for awile..be a friend..

i'm not blaming anyone for "causing" this stifling on me

i brough it upon myself...i CHOSE to do it..

but i guess i'm SICK of it..

SICK of not EVER having a PROPER chance to ACTUALLY feel joy THERE AND THEN

when i actually get the chace to feel the joy..the environment is not right..and i wld actually have to REMIND myself of wad i WAS supposed to feel happy abt..and WHY..goodnesssssss

for once...i wanna talk to someone who can understand..to feel happy genuinely...FOR ME...SHARE in my joy..PLEASE..share in my sadness as well.from MY POINT OF VIEW..am i the only one in this circle of frens tt can do tt? well..i can't possibly step in my shoes again and expect to see sth diff..

its so hard to find ppl who i can talk to comfortably abt this uni and poly nonsense...its bugs me..and i guess its still here coz it nvr really had a chance to go away...i talk to myself...in my brain..psycho-ing myself...but i wan to talk to someone who will empathise... tell me sth tt i REALLY need to know...I KNOW how"blessed" i am for wad i have recieved..but i need to know sth more than tt... i need a diff kind of "consolling" for this choice in life..i just need someone to step in my shoes and understand wad i'm upset abt..and not to tell me why i shld NOT be upset ...I KNOW........

i dun even know wad i'm upset abt...i KNOW why i chose OT..i DON'T NEED logic to be told to me now...i've done tt all on my own..EMPATHY..tts wad i need.. tt uni choice thing is still lingering...coz.....................it nvr left me from the time the offer letters came...really..it NEVER DID...coz it never got a CHANCE...

mindless self pity and whining? yea it is....and i dun expect anyone to react to this post unless they want to and not bcoz they should or have to...i dun need tt.. i just needed an outlet at this time of day...if not i can't sleep...now...i can...
back to top?

totally man..

ok..today wasn't the 1st time i when back to CJ since graduating...but its the 1st time i SAT down to talk to the teachers, meet up with old classmates and chat abt the good ol' times...

1st teacher we met was mr foo..as usual..same as ever..crappy crappy crappy...i miss it tho...no teacher i know craps as much as he does...and talks sense as well..as in ..when he talks sense..it really IS sense..miss mr foo...saw him at the co-op place 1st..waved to him and he just stared blankly at me..LUCKY he rmbed me eventually..he said "....OH YOU AH! WHOA..you look soo diff..can't recognize.." i dunno if tts a good or bad thing..ahaha..

met evan 1st then later lee pin and val came..and they're still the same..NO CHANGE..the way they bully evan and the way they speak..i miss all the commotion they create..it adds life...i can just be with them and not say anything and be entertained...i miss them all..if only my class were like tt...hiaz....

found ms teh in the audi discusssing with gayle ng, caroline smith and alfred pang..goodness...i was like " crap..i know all of those ppl there..and i only like one of them.."..she beckoned for us to come in and i was like"..heh"...and then as we got nearer..caroline smith was staring at me like :"uhhhhh" i was like..:" ok..get- fake time!" and waved..she forced a smile..sheesh man..ahaha..and then ms teh told us to find her in 10 mins time..so in tt time..walked ard the sch..there's been changes...paint jobs..took some pics...sth wrong with my usb port...will load them later..

aft 10 mins..found ms teh..and we went into the staff room with her!! STAFF ROOM!! tt FORBIDDEN PLACE..i FINALLY WENT IN!! ahaha..i managed to sneak a shot of it...heh heh..then she lead us to the counselling room to have a chat..and well..the chairs there are ALL screwed up...goodness...1st val took a seat..the chair broke then switched chairs ard and when ms teh sat..the chair broke..HAH! decided to go to the canteen instead and she bought us drinks..green tea..heh..

then we talked abt well..almost everything lah..esp abt her wedding tho..told us abt all her wedding planning problems and all..and we learnt abt more stuff from her lah..all the gossip and bitching came out..HAHA!! it pays to have left the sch sometimes..hear all the gossip and bitching..and she wun get into trouble coz...well..we're not in sch anymore! all the lil hidden secrets abt our class and all..MWAAHH!..nice...i miss miss teh..i like teachers tt aren't fake..OH! and gayle ng is getting married! 3 days b4 ms teh!=S

then mr goh came along..joined in the convo..asked where we all were..and well..duh when it came to me i had LOADS of explaining to do...wads OT? WHY go back poly?!?! i'm glad ms teh said " BUT ITS POLY!!"..i'd rather ppl ask why NYP and not the usual NUS and NTU answer they expect..i'd rather explain to them abt my choice than for them to assume tt i did badly and went to poly...then aft i explained why then she went :

" oh..yah lah! tts why i dun rmb vanessa ever doing badly for A's ..."

ahaha..tt was nice..been a long time since i could openly acknowledge my A's results openly without having to feel bad...and well..yea..she did think it was an O'lvl course..LUCKY mr goh had a rough idea it was an A's course...tt was comforting..really...you have NO IDEA..

and in response to why i went to poly?:

" aiyoh...its not tt i chose to go to poly...if the course were in NUS i wld go NUS too.."

which is true..VERY true...and i RESENT NUS for tt bcoz OT is not as recognized here to be "impt" enuff a course to be offered a deg prog tt my fellow course mates and i have to put up with the constant "stereotpyes" and ideas abt us being in a poly..really..............

and today...i FINALLY explained OT well..in a very comprehensive public friendly way...coz i think they got it..YAY!

hiaz..then well..i realised whether in uni or not...ppl are experiencing same prob everywhere..tt no-closeness thing..in fact its worse for them coz they dun have classes...yea..they move ard to lessons on their own ..have their own diff timetables..hiaz...but still felt a lil left out when everyone there was talking abt uni..i mean..3 girls and the 2 teachers...only evan and i were out of the pic..but at least it wld be applicable to evan in some way or another...i kept quiet to a point i went :

" aiyoh...how i wish i was in uni..."

really...i felt so left out...and the thing is..well..i "chose" to be left out...i know its really abt time i stop lamenting abt this education route choice thing..but really...i can't help it..there isn't a chance tt goes by tt i dun wonder how it wld have been like if i had chosen to go to uni when i meet up with classmates or go by unis or see uni students...really...i envy them in a way tt they dun ever need to have to put up with the kind of qns i do..they dun have to put up with as bad a stereotype tt i do with my course choice..to me..even gg to a private uni requires less explaination than a poly choice...

when lee pin said to ms teh when we were discussing my education route choice tt ppl in my course need fairly good grades to get in as well..and i explained there were ppl in scholarship and all then i cld see ms teh's face well..enlightened a bit..i was a lil more comforted..

i know i shldn't care abt wad others think...but there is always a need to feel belonged..its a natural human thing..learnt in psych..and i am only human......................tt seems like lyrics to a song..ahaha..

and on my way home from CJ..i REALLY felt like i was gg home aft a day of school..the only thing missing was a heavy backpack and books..really...not the nostalgia feeling but the "tired but i'm gonna enjoy my ride home" feeling...it was nice..........

lots of nice ard this entry huh? hiaz..sth wrong with the USB port lah..pics will come another time..

ALL IN ALL...i miss CJ and i rmb WHY now...the people..meaning not just frens and the atmosphere of the school but the teachers ( mine at least) made it good too...thanks is really not enough to express my gratitude....sigh..the only way? BE A BLOODY GOOD OT AND BE A REP FOR CJ..WOOHOO!!! YEA!!! THAT is gonna be my goal.... back to top?

HAHAH!!!

YAY YAY YAY!!! i FINALLY went to get me a new backpack..thanks for gg with me melia =D

anyway..it was really fast getting the bag coz i went to queenstown to look ard b4 and THAT was the 1st bag tt caught my eye..but decided not to get it at first coz 69 was kinda steep..mum said she wld bargain hunt for me b4 gg to buy but cldn't find anything better..and well..since its eastpak..not many places carry it anymore...much less in the printed form..so yea..WHEEE!! i think it was 69 bucks spent well =D i took a pic of it with my NEW HP!!! WHEEE!!

introducing...

my new backpack for school!!!! WHEE!!!







isn't it sooo pretty??!?! i love it man..its soo..batik-ish and jap-ish ( coz of the sakura flowers) and seaside-ish...soo cool!! eastpak..69 bucks...well spent..WHEE!!! ( i hope it lasts =S)












AND my NEW HP!!!



of which i used to take that lovely photo of my backpack!! ahaahh!! SO CLEAR MAN..2 megapixels leh...dun praypray man..haahah! and its soo shiny and nice..and again..nicer when you ACTUALLY see it...



haha...oh well..i'm slowly building up on all the new things tt i need...everything except one of the MORE impt things...SHOES..i need shoes dammit!!! hiaz..

2mr gg back to CJ with ah pek and the rest..WHEEE!! i hope we get to see everyone we wanna see and i hope i get to play piano..hiaz..and i hope i get to eat YONG TAU FOOO!!!! so exciting..ahaha..

this week...wanted to meet to sing..but..well..looks like God isn't in favour of us doing tt...everytime we manage to find a slot...some thing else crops up..hiaz..oh well..good in a way tt i wun need to rush up and down but bad in a v big way tt I CAN'T GET TO SINGG!!! hiaz...nvm..i'll wait..next week...MUST..its my last week of PURE freedom..ahaha..

VIENNA BOY'S!! WHEEE!!! FINALLY!! i get to see them..heh heh..

and my calves hurt..particularly at the back the area behind the ankles up..i think it was coz i "overstrained" it somehow while climbing down 13 flights of stairs in a skirt yesterday coz the electricity was cut off for some maintenance...bloody pain..can't walk man..

wad else is there to say? hmm...yes..i need to buy a dress and shoes...soon... back to top?

well...

how was my weekend?

ok lah...

been having body aches from the hard labour of fri night..ahaha..

constant headaches..for some weird reason..

my skin is slowly clearing up..except for the scars...need to do sth abt tt..

I NEED TO SING!!!

my hols are coming to an end soon and well...hmmm..haven't done much except slack..mum said i haven't cleared soo many things and all..i think i REALLY need to do it soon..and the hols haven't exactly been spent in the way hols shld..was intending on gg out, shopping,singing..i dun think i'm gonna all tt in the next 2 weeks..or can i?? hmmm...i'll try...HARD...

well..now tt melia's exams are done by 2mr..she'll be mush free-er...means i can go OUT more....right? ahaha..tues gg out with nick and melia..soo long since i've seen tt moron..ahhahaa...nicknicknick...hiaz..oh well..and thurs prob gg back to ...............CJ!!! with ah pek and some others...WHEE!! go see teachers!! EAT YONG TAU FOO!! PLAY PIANO ( if i get the chance)!! OMG!! YAY!!

but my weekend is gonna get busy..really busy...and i WANNA SING!! weekends are the only chance for the gang to meet and sing... but my schedule is as follows:

sat--> morning free but jon wun be out so no singing i guess.. afternoon i have sch sports meet (AIIIIYAHHHH) and night..VIENNA BOY'S CHOIR!!!! YAY!! ( i'll record dudes...dun worry)

sun--> church? since din go on sat..and afternoon..hsework OR if i manage to bargain with mum i MAY be able to meet the gang to sing and night....daniel's 3rd bdae party....hiaz..and i have NO idea how to get there by myself..so i'll have to go home 1st and all...means..less time to sing...GOODNESS!!!

WHYWHYWHY!!! FINALLY when everyone is more or less free-er...I HAVE STUFFF!!! and then..there wld be ONLY one more week b4 i have to start my horrid life..i hope the timetable changes or sth..so i wun need weekends THAT badly to cram anat...OH NO!!! I DUN WAN SCHOOL!!!! and its clinicals when sch starts!! OMGOMG!! NOOO!!! i dun wan sch to start..1.5 mnths hols suddenly seem too short now..i miss singing with the gang man..

and i 've got another thing to add...i have had the most traumatisingly, disgustingly, moronic past few days...seriously man..GET A GRIP ON YOUR BRAIN AND LIFE AND STOP TO THINK MAN!! STOP gg ard proclaiming to the whole world..its getting really....its getting to the point i find it irksome and gross...NOT funny any more man...I WILL blow...IF you PUSH it...and just so you know...i DUN normally blow at ppl............seriously..

and again..if you dun get wad tt was abt..its ok..

unless you are tt person i'm referring to..which i doubt again tt you wld know who you are anyway..then its NOT ok for you NOT to know wad i'm talking abt..

this is mindless complaining to myself...i'll just stop here...i needed an outlet..yea.. back to top?