If you're here you probably know/knew me
Whatever the case, help yourself to my blahblahs, however interesting they may be.


bolditalicunderlinestrikeout

you have NO IDEA how happy i am tt its the weekend

i mean

yea

sure

i have to rush work..like 3 days worth of SOAP notes ( tts documentation of each client FYI)
i wonder if i still can rmb anything..HAHAH!

BUT AT LEAST i am AWAY from travelling to sengkang and taking 161,159 and 156.

i dun even know whether to be thankful or not tt im at Pelangi.
I mean..it could have been worse being posted to somewhere super fast paced and struggling to know and survive for 2 months...but ....life isnt a bed of roses on the supposedly "other end of the spectrum"...the drive, inspiration..i struggle to find it when i know i shld have it even more so being in the kind of setting tt im in...there's room for exploration...why dont i know where to start?

ok..

lets not go into the self-reproaching depressing aspects of clinicals..its always the same thing over and over...so the conclusion despite your placement is tt......

CLINICALS ARE A BITCH

tts all..

but a NECESSARY BITCH.

OK

MOVIN' ON

Ain't Nobody really just seems to make things feel alright somehow...i dunno why..the black lady quality? like..i ain't gonna care ladyy..mmm hmmm * snap snap snap* -random comment coz im listening to it as i'm blogging-

anyway..met chermain to recce fort canning park today for our outing with the residents when its approved....and i realised..its really been some time since i've been left alone to wander and walk ard some place myself...some ME time in a way...i mean...yea it was warm and bugs and FLYING BEETLES were all ard but it was nice to just walk ard, look at plants, read stuff at the archeological site...not the stuff tt i wld usually do but as long as i've got my mp3 with me, i can be alone anywhere doing anything...

i also realised when you're alone...you basically make your OWN decisions, you decide where you wanna go, what you wanna do there, how long you wanna stay there and when to move off...tt kinda "freedom" was kinda weird...i mean...to experience it to THAT degree..esp when its not like gg to shop for sth alone where you have a goal..this is like..wandering ard....ahaha...i dun even know wad im talking abt already..

i guess it was short nice change from spending a sat sleepin in, gg out or doing work.......but a walk in the park alone....still not sth i wld do alone on a regular basis...with company ..WHY NOT? ahah

and now im back at my desk....knowing tt im supposed to do my SOAP notes, plan for next week and also to prep my CRD...OH MY GOODNESS LAHHHHHH...BLEAH...im just gonna want next week to fly by and get to 1 week to end of clinicals and then from then on..it'll be just counting the days....it'll be a lot easier then.....altho i'll have more groups and more SOAPs to write....AHAHAH!!! what to do...

gonna cut my hair 2mr.. FINALLY...made a new pair of specs today( its RED)...FINALLY..my left lens is irritating the shit out of me...i need to go swim or do some sport soon...im feeling my life waste away.....lack of sleep, lack of activity, lack of everything...i need my hols....like SOON...now wld be even better...

ok..there's still sunday..thank goodness...better get down to doing as much as i can today... back to top?

bloody hell

yes...

its already monday

and yes im still awake

what did i do during the weekend?

nothing

well yes i did flag day and went for mass and had pract

but tts abt it

BLOODY SUCKS

BLEAH

not tt i really wanted to spend my weekend doing my work and my work alone

i wanted to have some time to nua

i wanted to have some time to sing

i wanted to have some time to do sth tt i liked

i wanted to have some inspiration for my groups this week

but nothing much

i reaally want my placement to end soon
and when tt ends sure ill still have school related stuff but at least i think ill have time to do things i like , like SWIM and maybe get down to arranging some music..havent done tt in a long long time....

i hope my lecturer is not coming on friday as much as i think tt it might be helpful

im hungry

im watching the mummy on HBO as im doing this shit

i just finished ONE of the many pieces of work tt i was supposed to do

LOVELY

monday

time to catch up baby

im looking forward to friday again simply because it will mean the end of another week although this week i'll need to do more work since CRD is SUPPOSEDLY next week and i havent chosen my client much less carried out anything individual for him..ahaha

OK! i shld sleeep now...

here's hoping and praying we all have a good week ahead

and runaway by the corrs is my new fave song
dunno why i din like it before.
not this much at least back to top?

last 45 mins of my life as a 20year old

what do i have to say to myself?

good job ness

for having survived life so much thus far

thank you God for a wonderful family...sure sometimes they can get a lil weird and pain-in-the-ass-ish at times but i know i wldnt be what i am today without them..

thank you God also for my friends..no matter what level of acquaintance you are...yes you are important and have played a role in my life one way or another...of coz to all the special ppl who were involved in my bdae celebrations...thanks for being there with me and being my friend for THIS long, love you guys.

and THANK YOU GOD for a special group of friends (and friends who are fans of this group of friends for what they do =D) who are also my closest group of friends, ACAREAK. every single one of you...the people tt i see once every week and crap and sing and just hang out with...you guys RAWK... really miss all of you in australia too...wish we were all gathered back here doing our usual stuff and our special hang out sessions with our acareak tou-hao fans...cant wait for dec man... i cant find the right words to express how much you guys mean to me but i think you guys know..ahah

i feel like this is some goodbye speech..

yea..

goodbye to youth

well..at least i see some diff btwn ness at 13 and ness now..

ness now has done some things tt ness at 13 never thought that she would...like
- wear sth sleeveless
- wear make up
- wear a 2 piece to swim and kill everyone with eye infection
- gone out drinking occassionally
- get her teeth done aka braces
- dye her hair ( tho its only a portion)

and there are more just tt i cant think of anymore now..

it was an enjoyable-ish busy weekend with birthday celebrations
i havent had the time to sit down and plan for my groups this week
i havent had the time to sit down and document abt my previous sessions

HA!

lucky i still have some time

so yea..will just not do anything till i have to transition into a mature, responsible 21 year old adult..HAHAHA! OH MY GAAAAAAD...I FEEL FREAKIN OLD....

altho ness of 13 had evolved quite a bit but there are still a ton of things tt ness of 13 sorta thought tt ness of 21 would have done by now.........HIAZ....what to do man???? things dun always go as planned i guess..ahaha..i guess time will tell lah..like one of those things is solitaire....the way i look at it...i think i better start saving up money to start my capital........yea....ahahahahahahahah!! AHHHH!!! dun wann lahhhhhhhhhh...

hiaz..ok..i shld go sleep now.....so in advance:happy birthday to you ness and happy birthday to you daniel...celebrating your birthday with a friend is really a lot more fun than celebrating it by yourself =) so i have to thank you daniel for one more thing, which is, having a thick skull and taking too long to come out of your mum on 180887...AHHAAHH!!=) back to top?

AHHHHHHHHHH

i need to be INSPIRED

even more so this week..

its gonna be a busy weekend this upcoming weekend.. so in addition to planning my groups for this week, i've gotta plan for the next week as well since i might not get time to plan for them over the weekend..

AHHH!!!

HOWHOWHOWHOW!!!!

WHY

WHY am i so uncreative?
WHY am i so untherapeutic?
WHY dont i know what i want to do for my clients?
WHY do i feel so stupid?
WHY do i feel so screwed?

times like these i really like to question myself if i made the right choice..
i know you guys are sick of ness gg on the self-reproaching, self-doubt talk
and believe me
ness is sick of it too
and not only that
ness is sick of not knowing
ness is sick of having to feel this EVERY time she goes out on clinicals
but i cant help it
so then i found a quote tt i copied from one of HB's lessons which i thought was very inspirational. been wanting to put it up but just somehow never got to doing it..well here it is:

If you want to feel secure, do what you already know how to.
If you want to be a true professional and continue to grow...go to the cutting edge of your competence, which means temporary loss of security.
So whenever you don't know what you are doing, know that you are growing.

-forgot who said it-

thats a really optimistic way of looking at it huh?
ok..im not helping myself here but yea...i guess i just have to know tt if im not learning sth OT-ish out of this, im learning sth about myself...and well..im probably just reaffirming this for myself and that is tt i dont like running groups. BUT i have to make this experience work for me somehow.not to mention get started on individual therapy...CRD is in 2 weeks or so..

OH MY GAD

ever had this feeling tt you're just living and passing each day as it comes?
SHIT
this is wad happens when you live for each day.
and since the first song tt came to mind is the chorus of Hanson's Save Me here it is

Won't you save me
Savin's wad I need
I just wanna be by your side
Won't you save me
I don't wanna be
Just drifting through the sea of life

and coz i like the bridge too even tho its totally irrelevant to my post:
Suddenly the sky is fallin
Could it be its too late for me
If I never said I'm sorry
Then I'm wrong, yes I'm wrong
Then I hear my spirit callin'
Wonder if she's longin' for me
And then I know
That I can't live without her



hiaz...maybe i shld go strum on my guitaaaarrrr..from a far..to release all this ANGST and HATE raow raow raow!! ahah

no...i think i need to sit down and be inspired...-____-

and i don't care...im sleeping early tonight..

or earlier at least...hahah

and somehow...my grandma's favouritism was very apparent today for my sis...like WOW...ok...i guess my sis takes more care of her when we go out and all but...yea...somehow i don't wanna go hold her arm or wadeva when we're walking coz i think its psychological to a certain extent..its like just coz she's old?

yes...i acknowledge age but its not like she needs the support to walk..she's perfectly mobile on her own esp in flat terrain with no crowd whatsoeva..yes, when its slippery or if we're negotiating steps or uneven surfaces then yes, hold her coz she has one not-so-good leg..OT side of me comes out in times like these..i mean why wld you wanna be held when you can do so independently...why fall into the sick role, the old person role when you don't have to? i guess its a test to show who 'loves' and 'cares' for you more? i dunno...maybe...i dunno who is doing more damage really....i mean yes i hold her when i think she needs to but other than tt.....i dunno...why am i even perplexing over this? maybe its coz im not comfortable with it? BLEAH...this sucks..

OK...im gonna listen to SAAAAAVE MEEEE a few more times...ahaha..and hopefully get some ideas for my groups... back to top?

well...

here i am sitting at my desk thinking of what groups i wanna run with my residents next week

i was initially at a loss

then i was like

OMG

THANK GOODNESS FOR NATIONAL DAY!

I HAVE SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT!!!
I HAVE THINGS TO MAKE!!
WOOHOO!!!

so yay! thank you national day =)

AHAHAHA!!

well..other than tt...lets seee...im still sick, kinda clogged up..couldnt really perform to optimal standard the past week coz of the congestion in my sinus..it was so bad i always felt dazed and everything i saw was glassy...ahahah...YEA...PLUS i havent had enough rest so HOPEFULLY i get all the rest i need over the weekend...though i think its highly unlikely seeing how its already 12am plus and im STILL up blogging -_-

and it didnt help tt i came back at like 3am this morning from val's party and woke at 9 to leave for novena....HOW do i do it man? i have no idea..ahahaha..

well, so how was val's 21st?

interesting.

me likey the korean dinner. it was good. ex. but good. thanks for treating val.

me was sleepy at ze loof.
everything was just passing by.
truth or dare out of desperation to inject some life with EXPLOSIVE questions which centered around SEX ( words in caps were the keywords..val insisted dares and qns had to be revolving ard these 2 words -__-) which started to get tiring and pointless after a while.weird things happening DURING truth or dare. no comment on that.
saw another slimeball there.UGH. i swear ppl of the same name are just slimeballs. look the same, sound the same, talk the same. BLEAH. and in case you're wondering which slimeball of the many- melia, its one of your slimeballs. HAHAH!

walked home after that...needed to move a bit after sitting for so long and the alcohol consumed.

so yea..tt was it..heh..

anyway..now its time to start planning our bdae celebrations...mwahahaha...its gonna be busy cum 15th...still got some things to settle...hiaz...

ok..im off..need to do housework 2mr and do work 2mr...ahaha... back to top?