If you're here you probably know/knew me
Whatever the case, help yourself to my blahblahs, however interesting they may be.


bolditalicunderlinestrikeout

so this was 2008

well...

its about to be 2009 soon

but where was 2008?
it kinda just came and left

i still rmb lamenting about this year
about how it would be a horridly busy year
and indeed it was
but not as bad as i had envisioned it to be
but yea

you know?

somehow
the beginning of each yr makes me feel sad
with each new yr it just signifies that a new battle is about to begin when i was hardly done with what i already have to deal with
which then leads me to treat new year's eve like any other day to get by
but on the flipside
i guess it shows tt i have survived YET another year on this earth
i have had YET another round of wonderful memories to add
and gives hope to the beginning of a better year ahead

that was the right brain talking and then the left one. i just read it. looks like sth DID stick from all that "studying". browsing more like it.

i refuse to be doing work as i enter the new year.
so ill just chao keng ard online till it hits midnight
then resume
WOW
how adventurous of you ness

but nontheless
im sure and im really hoping and praying that 2009 will be good
its already presenting me with potential problems but
im sure theres a way ard it
yes ness
be optimistic. woohoo! thats the way baby.

ok..so if i havent already killed your mood
sorry if i did. you know its just me lamenting.

back to top?

oh my goodness

its christmas eve

no one is online

well hardly anyone is

and tts somehow normal
im at home
stuffed with food
and now im trying to do work

some way to spend christmas huh?
well..
it'll be the same 2mr

it already doesnt feel like christmas
no presents under the tree this yr except for my sis's one lone present from brenda ( or so it amy seem)
no christmas sleepovers
no meet ups with friends for christmas dinner or hang out of any sort
there was the last min shopping bit tt was quite fun
and my tree has been up for some time
and there is the stuffing you face with food endlessly
and feeling your tummy and feeling super horrid about it
but tts really about it

having these reports and exams to study for
i really lack the whole christmas vibe this yr
to think i was looking forward to it so much earlier in the year
now the whole festive week is dedicated to rushing work
and trying to survive the last run of the course

and as the days passed, there were more new things to worry about
all i could wonder was : why now? is there a reason for all this? is all this neccessary coz theres sth better at the end?
drama i know
but yea
but i guess im blessed
yes, there is always something good out of the horrid
even tho i have endless amounts of work, i guess its good that i have friends and family who understand that i need the time for work
i have a small group of good friends and there isnt anything happening at home this christmas. though if there was something i guess it wld feel a lot more christmas-y but i guess without it has saved me the stress and helps reserve some festive cheer.
there is definitely something more than these things tt ive mentioned
but yea...this is all that comes to mind now

so...

while everyone is somewhere spending time with someone or some people getting into the festive mood
whether its a stressful thing like gg last min shopping or fighting with the crowd on orchard road just to see the light up or watch the performances
or at a family or friend gathering, sitting and eating and talking
or just sitting in front of your laptop blogging as you reminisce on previous christmases that you might have enjoyed and loved...

merry christmas and a very very blessed new year to one and all.

spend this time with your loved ones, show them how much you care
and its a time to reflect and start afresh
to leave all the unhappiness and worries behind
i know its sth you usually do at the new yr
but christmas is always more spiritual. back to top?

well..

here i am

few more hours b4 i return 7 days later.

im kinda bored
hungry
i finished my lit review faster than expected
i guess coz the last 3 articles were irrelevant so i basically didnt do it.ahaha

i guess i dunno how to feel abt flying off this round
im kinda ok-ish
kinda light headed
i have this weird feeling in my tummy now
maybe its hunger
but yea

i kinda have nothing much to say now except
i think im geared up for 7 days of blistering cold
ive charged mp3 and loaded all the songs and vids tt i need to load
ive packed my journals to read =_=
whether i read them is another thing altogether
but i have to try

my sis went to get a prepaid card just so she can sms and call lenny or wadeva from japan
-_-
i shld have to
only that i dont think i'd want you guys to be spending money on replying me tt often anyway.
ahahaha

im so bored now
no one is online
ive done all tt i can to entertain myself on facebook with shwat.
jon and i are emailing back and forth now. the only person im "talking to online" at this moment
my mum just shoved some herbal thing in my mouth
its naaasty
then she asks me to have dinner with her now
and im like?!?!?!?

im sleepy
im feeling random
im bored
im afraid i dont have time to read my stuff and do work
i want to
and i dont want to
im not making sense
i shld start reading stuff now since i have time
but i have no mood
i think i shall just....

end off now

sayonara baby! back to top?

im irritated once again

at myself
at the way things are

i have NO time
and yet im still going on a holiday

i have to help out in my FYP
and yet im going on a holiday

i have to do my report
and yet im going on a holiday

i have to study for my exams
and yet im going on a holiday

people say, go and have fun
dont waste the trip
if you dont wanna go, let me go instead

but tell me
how do you have fun when you're in my shoes?

does it come from being responsible?
possibly

trust me
id like to enjoy my holidays too
but not when i have to juggle
holidays are supposed to be stress-free

i guess ill just have to make up for it in other ways
when i get back
when im there

i guess i need someone to tell me its REALLY alright
that i CAN still do it even as im away from home
more than that i should enjoy myself
i shldnt see it as a chore i know
but i guess i need to tell myself its alright
and just be mentally prepared for immense amounts of tiredness when im back

i know just a few days ago i blogged abt how much ill miss school
but yes
this is one of those days tt i dont miss school
i dont miss the rush
i dont miss the stress
i dont miss prioritizing
and im pretty sure
i wont be this pressed for time when i go over
and when im on hols
i will TRULY be on hols
i think
i hope
i pray

ok...no point moping around anymore
2mr is the day i start my week of intense preparation
for reports
for exams
time for agendagirl to get in the action

i got so fixated on arranging time for my student role
that i forgot about my acareak role

i simply take on more than i can handle sometimes
but i guess its the price to pay when you have a passion for something not directly academically related.
its hard to justify your time when you're hard-pressed for it
well, the link would be in recognition of the importance of leisure but...thats not exactly a good "excuse" now is it?

its ALRIGHT
i WILL get through
and EVERYTHING will be alright
i know it

GPA 3.0 back to top?

i know procrastinating is bad
yet i do it
i know its just temporary short term relief of wad i dont want to do
and yet i still do it
why

ok...dont ask me wad all tt randomness was abt..it just came from looking at my taskbar and seeing tt stupid "FES report.doc" EVERY SINGLE TIME i switch my comp on..
i mean i make progress on it but...i guess getting myself to sit down and do it is wad sucks..

anyway..so how has the week been since i last blogged? well, we finally have our Work project down the drain! so we're left with cog dys..and well..as i was surfing through blogs last night..it REALLY hit me that next week would be the LAST 4 DAYS of school tt my class will be spending together...i mean i know but i guess i just could not make any emotional sense or connection to that fact...but now i can...and the feeling sucks..

i still rmb being in yr 1..dreading lessons SO SO MUCH...esp anatomy...it was such a pain to go through...and everyone was still kinda stranger-y to each other..i saw mylife in NYP as seperate to the life i led outside of it..acareak was wad really kept me sane..

in year 2...it got a little better..maybe coz i knew wad school life in NYP was abt..how i was supposed to behave..what i was supposed to do...what image i had created for myself and how tt sat with everyone..but i guess towards the tail end things got better...ness came out a lil more..

and now in year 3, the vanessa you know outside of school is the same vanessa you know in school..well about 80% there..somehow diff situations allow you to be yourself only that much... but now i can be in my OWN skin more or less...when vanessa sings in school freely and unconsciously..that is when you know she is in her own skin..its just an observation i made..heh..

im really gonna miss my classmates...its the last 4 days of lessons together...as in actually following a "timetable" --> its been really messed up this sem but yea..moving from class to class together..sitting in the labs and lecture rooms having lessons..taking notes..shivering in artic circle-like temperatures..snacking endlessly on food tt would be passed around..i never thought i would say this at the end of my 3 yrs of NYP but time REALLY flies and its BLOODY surreal..

there were and are times i wish school would end soon
to get away from some of the crap tt we get in school
to just fly over to australia and get over and done wit the blasted degree

but i guess
as the "last day of school" draws near
you cant help but feel a lil nostalgic
you cant help but miss all the fun and infuriating moments
as we studied
as we attended lectures and laughed at the lame jokes lecturers made
as we complained together abt everything and anything ( esp abt a certain "wendy" we've grown to love)
as we just lost inhibition and start going into our level 3 and 4 actions to modulate ourselves
as we stressed over practical exams and lessons

reflecting on all the new friendship levels that have been attained with each and every person
i guess i will REALLY miss the times spent in the classroom together
pulling our hair out together
and most importantly
helping each other out each and every step of the way
this is probably the least selfish class ive ever been in
confiding in almost anyone is no problem at all
and tt is definitely something i'l miss

ok..tt all just came out uncontrollably...

i guess i'll just have to treasure the last few days in school...hopefully without getting too emotional about it (how is tt even possible right? haha) i mean i'll still be seeing my classmates ESP for FYP and CRD and stuff i guess...but i guess its just the routine tt i'll miss..

* i do suspect i might be a lil autistic sometimes i agree heh*

OK!

MOVING ON

well..today was packing for hokkaido day 1
i hate winter holidays simply coz i hate layers of clothing on my body
i hate looking like a ba zhang
i hate the breakouts
i hate moiturizers
...

need i say more

but its alright lah..at least its only once a year...for now.........


OH GOSH
i dont wanna do my FES reporrttttttttt

but i have to
lovely

ive been stuck on archuleta's Crush the past few days
i guess its coz i listened to it properly for the 1st time
and the lyrics are your typical itchy lyrics
the kind you love
and hate all at the same time

ok..im gonna try to wordle my post..heh heh..

*30 mins later*
sth wrong with my screenshot function. back to top?

its already december

its freakin fast tts all i can say

where did november go?

im not ready
things are moving too fast

hiaz..but in any case...

i was supposed to blog on sunday night but i was too busy doing work tt i kinda never found time to
not tt i finished my work but yea
when does work ever finish anyway? ahahahah..

im kinda sleepy now so i'll try to be as detailed as possible.

so we had our thanksgiving dinner
and the usual sleepover
it was great fun and nice.
and we helped melia set up the tree too
so WOOHOO!
spending time with yo peeps, you can't go wrong
im looking forward to the next hang out session..steamboat right? heh
although, yes i know, i will be busy but HEY! whats life without a lil fun man??
ahah

i was looking thru the pics from last christmas with the robinsons pic and my FANTASTIC tree in the bg
and we somehow DO look older
its kinda freaky but yea..it happens..
dinner every yr this time to track our aging process...*shudder*
- shaddup to everyone and anyone who wants to throw an age-ist joke at me -__- -

and oH!
forgot to add
well, sat evening i went to my grandmas to meet my family there
and when i got there , tired and all
i saw my grandma and my mum fussing over my sis
and kebaya tops
my sis had gone to arab street to buy her kebaya tops
one white and one maroon
so my grandma went to take out ALL her sarongs and stuff
it was kinda cool
my grandma was teaching how to tie the sarong and stuff
and she was SUPER enthu abt it
tt she even offered to call one of her friends who tailors and makes sarongs
to see if we could go over after dinner to get a sarong done
when i mean sarong done i mean to make it into the zip form aka no need to wrap
wrapping , if you're not skilled, will leave you with a bulge at your tumnmy area
so yea

so we went over to get a sarong done each
coz my grandma had this sarong tt she doesnt wear anymore and its REALLY nice and good batik cloth
and its good enough for 2 sarongs to be made out of it
so yea
we went over to the lady's house ( of which she ONLY speaks malay) to get our measurements
with my grandma as translator

i kinda regret not being able to speak malay at times like these when i SHOULD be able to
i AM after all 75% peranakan man
my sis is learning but its not the same for me lah..i dont have that environment you know?
anyway
yea..and my mum bough this dvd from The Main Wayang Company. they do peranakan plays and all to promote the culture.and well, even non peranakans join it to just learn abt the culture. and out of the few tt were from the younger generation, only one was true blue peranakanan and the other was 1/8th..so i guess tts kinda cool.. so mums been hooked onto it. and well, i must say tt the kebaya is REALLY v colourful and you DO need some meat to wear it and make it look nice. and with the whole hoohaa abt the new show " the little nonya" on ch 8...i guess the culture is coming to life slowly. i ought to watch it. heh.

OK! i shld sleep soon. SPD 2mr! WOOHOO! nearby for me! i need to see the doc 2mr and i SHOULD try to finish FES 2mr...i will..try..

DON'T CRY TO MEEEE.. *SHOOM*..pract tonight was good baby..lets keep it up =) back to top?