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my goodness

my weekend is coming to an end just like tt...

i spent my whole sunday trying to do an assignment and im still at it...so sian man...but anyway..

well..my 2 weeks of school aka my happy school life stopped last week..horror begins this week..and it kinda just gets worse...3 weeks of school then OFF TO CLINICALS AGAIN!! WOOHOO!!! yDyD someone shoot me..

ok...no more depressing posts for today..the thing to look forward to 2mr? practice at the end of the day..and a new splint to bring home despite how gross it might look..anything not school related otherwise is always good..

anyway..i kinda got thinking today..about people...everything about human dynamics actually...nth in particular or anything to spark it off...just how sometimes your brain sorta just drifts...yea..come to think of it...i dun even know why im typing abt it now coz i cant rmb wad i was thinking about human dynamics.....just only tt dynamics are affected by outward behaviour between individuals in contact....DUH...ahahaaha...but i guess i'm just reinforcing it for myself? hiaz...humans...complex...

and am i the only one getting weird friend requests on facebook?!?!?! back to top?

heh heh..

so no post from me for some time..anyway...i had an interesting weekend...ahaha..lets just say i love my make-up less sun-kissed tone ( compared to what estee lauder did to me) of a face despite the pimples and scars...and i cannot understand how ppl can pile cakes of make up on their face and walk ard feeling pretty...like goodness i felt so FAKE just walking ard in tt to go to the toilet...no offence to anyone who piles make up..its just my preferance...ahaha...im fine with some make up like some powder, blush and some eyeshadow..its ok...but when you CAKE it on..tts disturbing..

i concluded tt day..make up and make or break you man..your look tt is and tt i never understood the TRUE importance of a good make up artist till tt day...the girl's natural look turned out unnatural or sth..ahaha..and they can literally change the way you recog or identify yourself...i was telling some ppl i never wanna take wedding day studio pics ( if i EVER get to tt day tt is) coz i dunno if its just me but brides always tend to look TOO different from how they REALLY look in those bridal shots...the makeup is scary ...ms teh was one of the prettiest brides i ever saw...minimal makeup but she looked so nice..who was her make up artist? herself..ahaha...and have you ever noticed how diff some brides look without their specs? scary man..i rmb my auntie went to get contacts jusr for her wedding..she looked better without specs but some ppl just look better IN...how come its ok for the groom to wear specs but not for the bride?! SHEESH...ahhaa..

anyway..skit? rmb? guess wad? my maid accent skills will finally be put to good use...i'll be playing the maid..i was eyeing tt actually...i had a ton of things running thru my mind...AHAHA! so i got it anyway..heh..and my classmates said i need to get a HUGE clip and a sunflower and messy hair..ahahahaaha...this will be fun..heh..

ok..wad else ah? hmmm...i guess nth much more from me...im feeling dead beat...im off to rest in a while...pract 2mr and thurs...wheeeeee... back to top?

im so bored online...

theres nth to do...i cant beleive it...when i have time i got nth to do but when i have no time there seem to be so many things tt i wanna do...so irritating...

so anyway...went to prune my lumb ( lime) tree today with khad..ahaha..yea..its part of our module on leisure occupations...horticulture therapy...we're all tasked to a part of the garden and we have to make change to the garden and then aft tt write a reflective report ( i think) on the experience..ahaha..so khad and i took the lime tree and we pruned it so well it looks so much more under control now..ahaha..

and well.. i had a pleasant surprise from khad and sarah today..they gave me my 2 month belated bdae present...i sorta forgot abt it when well just nvr expected any present to come...dun get me wrong...i dun expect presents..its just the class system where everyone writes a wishlist b4 their bdae and then the class chips in to buy the present and cake for the person...so yea..coz my bdae was during the exams..there was cake cutting but no present coz everyone was too busy..ahaha..so coz i had no idea wad to write on the wishlist i went acareak functional so i asked for a pitch pipe and i got it! ahaha...its the same one as the STC one !! ahaha...and then 2 of them in addition to the class present bought me a present each too! ahaha green headphones and some nodding toy thing tt runs on solar power..ahahaha...thanks guys!! =) i feel bad for not getting anything now for their bdaes =S

anyway..2mr will be an interesting day..and so will sunday morning....ahahaha...hiazzzz... back to top?

aiyaiyai..

im so bored...no one talking to me online and stuff...

maybe i shld sleep soon...yea...i better treasure this 1st week's freedom coz i can forsee in weeks to come my life will get worse..i mean..even had time to go hang out at jon's with dan man...tts totally unheard of on other school days..hahaah..so i better treasure what time i have to hang with friends without feeling guilty about it while i can now..ahhaah..

but anyway..i just found a whole load of CJ videos..ahaha...charissa loaded the video of the mass dance from 2005..ahaha i see familiar faces and those familiar faces are the ones tt are always doing tt kind of thing..haha..and i watched some open house promo vid for the drama club...not bad lah..ahaha..yes...i was THAT bored...was searching pennyo stuff b4 tt and found vids with ying in them...ahaha!! now im trying to read for 2mr's lecture ( i NEVER do this btw)...

2mr...its a longer day but still relatively short...3pm school ends...MWHAHAHA...what to do when i get home? maybe i shld swim or sth..havent done tt in a long while..heh..oh goodness im feeling sleepy now...WHY?!?!? i guess coz im staying up just to entertain myself...ok lah...im off then..as you can tell im blogging also just to pass time..heh.. back to top?

ahahaa...

im listening to sugar now...acareak style...hahaha..for 5 ppl we really sound quite nice...hmm..this could be the start...of sth new....ahahaha..

ANYWAY...

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO SLACK FOR ONE WHOLE DAY??!?!

NICE..

but slightly unproductive....

but NICE nontheless..ahaha...

woke up late, ate, watched tv, ate somemore, napped,ate, watched tv, use comp..

school resumes 2mr...oh well..a month of school and then its time to go back to the horrid life of clinicals for another month...*shudder* but nvm..we'll take it as it comes as usual..for now the thing on my mind is our gig on the 24th...so exciting..and so is dec..will be tight for me...with clinicals and practs but again..worry when the time comes...its all abt time management...sth im ever so fabulous with -_-

jon was copying and pasting excerpts of his old blog posts last night on msn..man...made me feel youngER...transported back to the time of J2 and J1 christmas period....so fun...choir happenings, loads of pep talks, concerts, performances with shaking hands and flying lyrics, studying....hiaz...that kind of school life was FUN..THAT is wad school life is about man...THAT IS HOW I SHOULD BE...and i just thought of wads gonna happen next year when MORE of acareak flies off to aus-tray-lia to study.........or some to live there for that matter..goodness..more farewell presents to be presented next year...bloody hell...you guys better come back i tell you or i swear............=(( poor dan and i are gonna be alone and all tt we can ever sing are duets..ahahaha! the way im talking is as if im not flying over...i dunno if i can...but anyway...yea...we'll see..have to study my butt off to fly over..at A's it was study so i dun have to fly over..weird huh? ahah..

ok..tts it from me now...i dunno why im feeling so hungry today...should go down and swim...hmm...i just might... back to top?

tomorrow....

aft tomorrow all my worries will be OVER!! clinicals are more or less over 2mr...friday just seems supplementary but not important..ahahha!! 2mr is when my lecturer comes down again and eval is 2mr means my grade comes 2mr and all...YEA! when 5pm hits 2mr i will be ELATED...and we have acareak pract to top it all off..ahaha...im not even caring if i get shitty comments from them again...i had enough last week..how wld getting one more make any difference? and ive put in effort this week..even my sup feedbacked a lil today and she said she can see tt im making effort....so yea...if i still "suck" 2mr there'll be NO tears from me...NONE AT ALL....done enough crying last week...not to mention if i cry again sth is wrong with me....ha..

anyway..i have to act in school..nono..as in REALLY act...in a skit.... -_- yes...vanessa kwek has been chosen to act in a skit for some school event and this skit is wad OT side is contributing i guess...im confounded coz aft all tt has happened they still choose me to act?? weird dun you think? the one tt might be better suited as an accountant now is chosen to act....ahaha..i am SO bitter ..ahaha..

anywayyyyy...im feeling sleepy but ive barely started work...i need to start now..and hopefully i can sleep on time tonight...so yea..im off...WHEEEEEE... back to top?

i just figured it all out while talking to kin..

all this quiet shit has blown up only coz of my knowledge in OT..

im not performing up to standard apparently..lecturer's standard..the OT standard...wadeva standard it is...its just saying im not OT enough... to be OT-ish now..lemme put me in a problem statement for you guys...we construct problem statements to help set goals for treatment so here's me:

Vanessa is 1) not performing up to standard when she can 2) just not smart to begin with but ppl think she's a lot better due to 1) sup not doing enough for her learning 2) not talking and asking enough to construct her learning

how sure am i of this? 90% sure why things have gotten the way they are...they're worried coz im not performing....as i think of EVERYTHING tt has been said to me....i am quite sure and im not bashing myself here when i came up with all this...but how?!? i told them its def not the sup not doing enough for me part coz i SHE IS doing enough and im not sucking up here..but i dun talk much coz i dunno wad to ask..i dun wanna make mistakes...mistakes part can be rectified..but the knowledge part.................................the thinking ability part.....how? you tell me how? if im stupid this way...maybe they're right...but i refuse to believe it...i did my A's and i did fairly ok in it man..surely tt accounts for sth...or tt im a fab mugger..

so wads the agenda for monday?
1) ask sup abt my WORK performance so far
2) what i should improve on

tts the only way i can structure my thinking..and how to improve..yes...monday like i said..battle time...whether this problem statement is right or not....im pretty satisfied with it and treament plan starts on monday..its essentially tuition on monday...yes...this time im ready for shooting and asking for it...i hope it helps.. back to top?

hiazzzzzzzzz.....

this week...its over and im very thankful it is...it was a rough week and conclusion is tt im gonna try my best next week to be the student they want me to be without compromising on myself...means im just gonna be more of myself...the school me...its a lesson...a stepping stone to future clinicals which i wanna do well in and not worry abt shit like tt...shit like tt is really not worth it...yes i cried over it (and its usually that bad if ness cries as you guys will know)..

amt of tears shed this week= ave amt of tears shed in a year...

so yea...no more....its time to get jiggy with it..nananananana...im gonna be an OT dammit...not some accountant-shit like tt...i take it as an insult and the accountants should be insulted too from the way it was mentioned to me...no job is lesser than the other...and i CHOSE to do OT...i went through tt turmoil of uni and poly already and i made up my mind...even if im not good now...im gonna make sure i get it right coz there is NO way in hell im gg back on my descision...my parents are proud tt i chose to be an OT and im not gonna let them down..and im not gonna let MYSELF down man...and also all of you guys who are exploiting my lack of knowledge to consult you on your leg and arm problems....haha..

but yea...next week..im just gonna be myself..mark me down if you wish on my professionalism or wadeva shit like tt...i realised im the way i am only coz im afraid of making mistakes so i become cautious with my words and actions and hence i become quiet..well now i dun care...im gonna make all the mistakes i want....and if they wanna think im dumb tt way then FINE....they asked for it....ok ness...relax.........ahaha...its battle time man...and val reminded me of one very over-used line but its so apt for me now.."failure is the mother of all success" tt will be my motto the whole of next week......YES...

MORTAL COMBAT!!!! dehnehnehenehenehenehnehneh...

anyway...1st mark of interest and INITIATIVE*shudder* at constructing my learning has already occured...i smsed my sup to tell her which kids i wanna plan for next week and to discuss on monday which 1 more other kid i can take...YEA....i am gonna plan my line of attack this week so well that nothings gonna stop me...don't stop me noooowwwww...don't stop me noowwww...coz i'm having a good time...having a good time...im a rocketship on my way to maaaaaarrrsss....outta way..agenda woman is BACK....*yes fio..agenda..*

as you can tell..im trying to hype myself up...well..the weekend is still here...im gonna enjoy it while i can and at the same time hatch my plan to try to take over the world........................MWAHAHAHAHAHAAA.... back to top?

i feel like a pile of shlump...

ARGH!!! its such a bad combination of factors..

1) i think im pms-ing
2) i lost me ezlink card today
3) im still sick and my "fever" just came back
4) eval today and as usual i respect indiv opinions and perceptions of me but doesnt mean tt i am totally unaffected by it.......

usually i wldnt be so affected by the usual comments " you're not much of a talker" or " you're very quiet"...yea...i agree..its been like tt since pri school..its just tt it didnt matter till now..

its amazing wad a complex thing behaviour is..when you identify it ppl just accept it and its usually just liked to a part of a person's personality..its accepted as that and that alone..like a solitary thing..not tt its wrong...but as you learn in beh modification and in OT practice, beh is just a result or a projection of an underlying or deeper cause..one of which you have to try to DIG out...

i feel like im analysing myself like i try to do with the kids im "in-charge" of...and its times like these i empathize with them..and it sucks tt beh leads to a label or a perception of a person..its normal...its all normal...i do it all the time, you do it all the time..we all do...

quiet= are you thinking? are you confused? are you even here with me mentally? do you have initiative?

i tell you... i really LOATHE tt word now..tt I word....

i hate it coz initiative seems to be only measured one way in this learning world..initiative=openly proactive...doing things backstage or thru other means just dun seem to carry as much weightage..i prob sound like a childish immature person who cannot handle criticism..dun get me wrong...its just i hate myself for not being as vocal as most..i hate myself for being so cautious in everything i do..i hate how I am making this hard for myself....i hate it coz im being graded on it..

you wld think tts a small component and tt your brain substance matters most...well..it does...its just the distribution of weightage is not wad i had thought it wld be..ARGH!!! aft a while i dun even know wad im REALLY upset about..its prob just a slightly manhandeled perception of self coupled with hormone-fueled emotions....

i need to get back to work and sleep early...lucky the observation is early in the morning 2mr..get the bloody thing over and done with..UGH!!! LAST 2 WEEKS.......HANG IN THERE YOU DOOFUS!! back to top?