If you're here you probably know/knew me
Whatever the case, help yourself to my blahblahs, however interesting they may be.


bolditalicunderlinestrikeout

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

WAE WAE WAE?!?!?!?

AHHHH!!
SHIROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

i dunch want to go back lah
1stly i hate packing
i think i got all my essentials in my bag
but i still have some stuff i havent packed in
i hate that feeling of "did i forget sth?" right to the VERY last minute
well at least my family is coming down in april if i need anything
BUT STILL

and ill be flying alone for the 1st time this round
well..i guess there's a first for everything
but i still cant help but feel nervous

and i REEEEALLLLLYYYY hate being cooped up in tt room
and having to share the kitchen
ok my prev kitchen wasnt too bad (in fact i think it was clean by australian standard since 1/2 my level was asian)
BUT NOW IM ON A NEW LEVEL
i just pray its clean and livable and QUIET
my goodness
dont frickin like run ard and puke all over the place and scream your lungs out at frickin 3am in the morning
i swear i will kill someone and something

thinking abt it i feel damn pek chek

thinking abt resuming my hermit lifestyle
and domesticated lifestyle
and studies and reading
and the lack of readily available internet without having to move ard to feed off free internet
LACK OF NIGHTLIFE
MY GAD

ok lets be positive
when i went over i was optimistic ( naive? ahaha)
anyway whats the main reason to go over?
GET DEGREE
LEARN STH NEW
EXPERIENCE
so just go over and do your best ness
think abt it
once school starts full swing, youll be busy
so just think of it as gg over to 'work'
do what has to be done and do it WELL
i wanna EXCEL this sem
WOOOHOOOOO!!!

and think abt it!
you can see BSB in concert!
i wish it was SHINee somehow...
and where will they be?
SINGAPORE
just when i said tt i wish they come back to sg so tt i dont have to travel out to watch them ( not tt i would anyway but you know?)
but its ok...
BSB is CLASSIC.
just enjoy
anyway there's always youtube and my laptop
i tell you if my laptop dies (which is BETTER not)
i will die along with it
my work, my life, my connections ALL dependent on this device
the next most impt is my handphone
and then my ipod
.
.
.
.
.
.

ok lets just not think abt it
ill just enjoy my last night sleeping in my room with my sis
on the floor with the bedbugs
i hate them bugs but i love my room
and once im back from aus, my sis and i will have our own rooms already
:(
ill have tom yam for lunch 2mr and teh bing round 2 ( i told my self today tt id drink teh bing any opportunity i have today and 2mr)
and ill have to go vivo daiso to get my stupid laundry bag which i conveniently forgot to search for again aft the failed attempt at PS's daiso
and to print more photos
then pack somemore
and then when night comes.....the rest is history

i better not cry 2mr although i can somehow feel it coming ALREADY
wow. ness. cry. fly-off. AGAIN.
i guess there is a formula to jerk my tear ducts after all.
or just immense heavy-heartedness

i didnt have my ideal cosy family dinner tze char today also
coz mum was held up at work and said she could make it in the end when we started our meal , saying she just got off the train at tiong
we waited and ate real slow and she never showed up
kept looking ard for her
dad got worried and walked to tiong to look for her and no sign
came back
and finally mum came but we were done with the meal
office politics travelled all the way to her handphone and she was confronted over the phone
so she wasnt in the best mood
talk abt a stressful dinner
mum felt bad too once we got home but she said shes happy tt she got to meet up with me for lunch yest so tt sorta makes up for it

i dunno why
i dont usually get affected by things like tt
but i guess its just the 'last _____ before i go back and return in a while'
its like, yes i know 4 months and ill be back but its the TIME tt im there
tts what is.....dunno lah

ok...i need to think positive thoughts
if not i wont survive the trip
think happy thoughts,happy thoughts
exciting modules to be done ( intro to art therapy and adolescent mental health)
explore more places, hopefully do well at school
come back with a degree and start working! ( is tt sth to look forward to? hahahah)

ok...i shall enjoy my vids tt i loaded now...
till my next rant 2mr ( i can forsee it) back to top?

last night i couldnt get any sleep
well
ok i DID get sleep but i had a hard time falling to sleep
the random thought about job applications got into my head
after gg back to NYP that day and talking to jessica and sarah
i was like "crap...i think i have to get cracking on this job thing..."

my initial laid-back plan was to just apply for one when i get back with the degree
but after tt day
this stupid issue has been popping in and out of my head
i realised tt everyone has more or less somewhere to start work once they get back
and im still like floating ard in my brain gg : hmmmm...so where should i go?

but im thinking now even if i apply
its all tentative
coz there are interviews and stuff
which i wont be able to go to unless i apply 2mr and hope they get back to me before i fly
what a stressful way to pass my last few days in sg right?
hiaz
i guess i could do it online when i get to aus and just let things flow
go for interview when im back
then take it from there

i guess its just a matter of when i wanna start my job hunt
heh
i may be taking for granted tt TTSH will DEF contact me
but the dilemma comes in whether i WANT to re-join them
complex

so as of now, online vacancies reflect
JGH- no need of OTs
SGH- Need OTs
TTSH- no need of OTs

these 3 for now since these are the only 3 in consideration for now

this is so sickening
i dont want to be slave again!
study to be a slave to money at the end of the day
how much of a slave you are depends on your qualifications and rank
this cruel world
AHAHAH!

OK!
i will see where this goes
for now i have to concentrate on packing to return downunder
sian
ok to sleep i will back to top?

man

i feel emo now
i dunno if its just coz of the type of song tt im listening to now
or what but yea

when it comes to this part of life
of personal growth
it is one part that i have absolutely no control over
ok maybe i do
but i just feel like i dont
and ness being the somewhat control freak hates not having any power, even a little, over situations
with a powerless feeling, i feel i cant do anything about it
ok...this is starting to sound like an OT philosophy thing is about to spring out..


but anyway
22 gg on 23
but honestly....im pretty sure nothing's gonna change...
aiyah whatever lah
something will happen if its meant to happen
if not...life will be as it is till the day i die..
with my 27 cats

so anyway
ive started compiling my packing list
and soon ill have to start packing it
if not into my bag means into boxes

then ill be flying ALONE for the 1st time
kinda exciting...ahahaha...
but the thought of landing then having to unpack
and get stuff from sam's
OH GOSH
kill me
HAHAHA

oh well
for now im enjoying staying at home
spending time doing stuff with my parents and sis
cant explain it...just feels like i should..
feels nice too...except when mum nags and when dad goes a lil woohoo~!
but its all part and parcel aint it?
heh

ok! back to designing my cupboard! back to top?

somehow i dont feel compelled to make resolutions on the 1st of jan
but rather at cny
dunno why but yea

anyway...
those resolutions will stay in my head.
kinds stupid to put it as the title then right? but OH WELL

i love cny
its the only time of year where i still feel its spirit
more than christmas really
the cleaning
the baking
the wearing of red/orange/yellow/pink....
the serving of tea to mum and dad
no cutting of nails for the 1st and 2nd day at least
the absolute forbidden use of the word "die" for the 1st day at least
the NEED to eat a "fa gao" and "kueh lapis"--> bu bu gao sheng

yea...i know a lot of people dont follow these things anymore
or might not even have heard of such things
i dont know how widely practiced these things are anyway
but these are things my grandma made my mum do so yea...its been 'passed down'
and i dont think its old-fashioned
its these things that MAKE what cny is
the colours, the food and the significance behind all of it, the little superstitions here and there
its nice
and im happy my mum insists on being traditional that way
if not for all these, i quote mum, " it would just pass by like another day"..

ANYWAY
hiaz
now tt cny is "over"
its time to start preparing to GO BACK
UGH
the more i think abt it the more i dread it
alethea flew back just abt 30mins ago

i dont have much to miss there really
maybe occasionally when i get irritated with my parents when they nag at me that i miss the independence there
but other than that
NOPE

maybe ill change my mind aft gg back for one more sem? who's to know?
but for now...lets enjoy the time i have left here before i go back
comes the dilemma of whether i should just EAT
or if i should start losing weight
AHAHAH!
i AM gonna miss all this food when im back
hiaz
i dunno lah

this is so irritating
i feel like i need to listen to an itchy song now
weirdly tt calms me down
calm isnt the right word to use but its the only word i can think of now

OK!
HAPPY CNY EVERYONE!!! :) back to top?

well..

its CNY again...soon tt is

got all my clothes and shoes ready
this yr the house is the cleanest it has ever been in the last 15 yrs?
im giving it credit for the 1st 2yrs seeing how we shld have had lesser things which made cleaning easier?

since i got back from aus ive been helping out with the housework
and more involved in CNY preparations than i have ever been
made pineapple tarts last weekend with my mum
but for some weird reason they all "seh gor"-ed already when i checked yest
it usually doesnt happen but OH WELL
2mr making huat kueh...WHEEEEE

and then give it abt a week more and im back to aus
UGH

oh well..
this yr...23yrs old
after a meet up recently i suddenly had some food for thought abt the yrs to come
sometimes i wonder if im just naive or sth..but...hiax...im too tired to reflect as i write now
so ill leave it to another day

2mr a tiring day ahead
cleaning, baking and decorating
high stress anticipated
the only thing im looking forward to is reunion dinner
AYAM BUAH KELUAK! back to top?

i just read one of the status updates on fb of one of my ot-coursemates
and im happy to know tt im not the only one who feels that way

but it just reminds me abt how much i wanna...hiaz...
im pretty sure she feels the same although i dont really know/talked to her much during our time in NYP
following your dreams are hard
especially when you dont have the resources to do so
i'd be lying through my teeth if i said being an OT was all i dreamed of
not that i hate it but yea
there is definitely sth else id love to do if i could

too bad such 'risk-taking' behavior isn't encouraged here
logically, no one would say YES DO IT! without any worries whatsover.
well, not that no one does it
but those that do...well...you have to be determined.

and if you have been confused right up till here i dont blame you..
but i guess...what im saying is that
i envy the determined
as in not so much abt the determination to get things done or get them done in a certain way
but the determination to do WHATEVER it takes
NO MATTER what anyone tells you
and to FIGHT for your dreams
whats the use of envying right? do sth about it right?
well...all i can afford to do is envy really...ahaha...
at least for now..

if only i had an ounce of that..

but i guess for now ill just continue to indulge in the fantasy......
what a sin.. back to top?

MAN. If anyone is feeling emo now. ive got the PERFECT song with the best set of lyrics for you.
i always believe if you're emo, feed the feeling. coz tt means you acknowledge it.
acknowledging it is diff from dwelling btw.
but NEVERMIND that coz tts not the point of this post!

Play this vid, and read the lyrics as you go along...





and of course like we all know
tt i'm a sucker for lyrics like that so...well..i just italicised my fave lines..

heartache,bittersweet,dramatic
LOVE IT.

I thoughtlessly walk
Wherever my heart takes me
It seems I am looking for
Those that look similar to you

I trusted that I would meet a love like you again
The pain of you branded in my heart is death
What do I do?

Looking for the love left in the empty space where you were.
I'm begging you to look at me.
Look at the one so similar to you
This ordeal is too much for me

It so much worse than simply waiting
I became so similar to you that I copied even your habits
There is more of you inside me than myself
I wanna be, wanna be your man

The final tears
Are ripping away at my chest
Leaving only scars that will never heal
Leaving me as my miserable self
I'm so distressed, what do I do?)

love it man.
:) SHINee wheeee!!! AHAHAH! back to top?

my blogskin went wonky so switched to this one for now
my blogskins are getting more simple
i guess tts maturity for you.
AHHAH!

ANYWAY
i did sth not ALL that 'mature' last night
but i guess being a fangirl doesnt stop at any age?
well..following up on the fact tt SHINee was in singapore
may, my sis and i decided to just go and try our luck and see if we cld see SHINee in the flesh
since it wasnt gonna cost us any money
but prob just our eardrums and some calories to be burnt
why not?! ahahah!
at least now i can add one thing to my boring life's experience.

so we met, it wasnt ALL that crowded
compared to their arrival fancams, last night was pish~
AHHAHA!

so to document it all, here are some pics and the vids taken...
we spot the small groups of fans all lingering around us (look on either side of the 2 guys)...still unsure if we had missed them already or not...most of the crowd was waiting at the departure gate itself though..about 80 to 100 of them? not sure..

maylyn, with her prior experience suggests we wait outside to monitor the taxi flow...once taxis come with girls pouring out, means they're on their way..and seems this is like understood practice ritual or sth..ahahaha!

we wait and wait somemore...


then a few white vans come and more girls start pouring out (i wonder if they hired the van or sth) probably from the concert that had just ended at esplanade
and a few more white vans
AND THEN A HUGE SCHOOL BUS COMES
AND THE STAMPEDE BEGINS

we didnt know whether to run but i guess the singaporean mindset kicked in
"i come all the way here already, just run lah!"
so we ran along the outside till i hear someone say " run on the inside!"
so we run back into the airport and towards the door that shinee was gonna enter from
as i looked to the opposite side of the airport, a stream of girls running towards where we were all headed as well
*piakpiakpiak* *swish swish swish*
the airport staff were cheering " GOGOGO!!"
i was laughing so hard..like some freakin amazing race or sth

i run ahead the 2 of them and secure a spot
and the screaming begins
a scream in this kind of situations just leads to more screams
so policemen shout at ppl to get back but obviously no one listens
the scary lady manager(?) screams in typical korean fashion " YAH! YAH! PALLI!" to get fans to move out of the way..she had a bitchy face on...i dont blame her though..
and the boys esp the last 2 were mobbed..
we got a real good spot i must say, maylyn managed to film them upclose with my awesome cam..


so as we were pushed along and once shinee got out of camera lens range
the running begins again
ran to the departure gate
i heard one of the members fell and a fan tried to help him up but the manager punched her in the process? AHAHH! vicious.

and the screaming just gets worse (thank goodness my cam's mic is kinda muffled)
"KEY OPPA!! OPPA~~~!!!"
"ONEW OPPA!! SARANGHAE!!!"
"MINHOOOOOOO~~!!!!!"
i had both my hands in the air holding my cam so i rmb thinking to myself " what i would give to cover my ears now..."

when there wasnt much gg on...i heard things like..
"what i would give to be the passport person now.."


and as you would haven seen, slight movements = screams

then they left.
the hardcore ones ran up to the viewing gallery from above..

thought that was the end?
nah-uh.

what i found funniest was ppl who were reviewing what they had taped and were screaming at the vid that they took!
and some were even crying..my goodness...

AHAHAH! it was fun nontheless
an experience. DAEBAK!
as much as screaming is painful...i guess it was more shouting than screaming..
and if not for the screaming and the madness i guess it would have taken the whole fun out of it..

so YEP!
ill have one more experience to add to my boring life's chronicles. AHHAH! back to top?

testing testing

just checking to see if my blog is really wonky back to top?