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bolditalicunderlinestrikeout

well

ive never been one person who has been big into these tribute things
i mean i guess most of all of the famous people who have passed on, i never could relate to
i never "grew up" with them
so they never made sense to me other than tt i knew i was supposed to know them
and they supposedly did fantastic stuff
and their passing is like..yet another talent lost
i was supposed to feel sad we lost a talent the world knew
and somehow i only got to know WHY this person was a talent after they pass on through these tributes and the news

all that just seemed to be things i KNEW
but when MJ passed away
i understood. and i could relate

when i came to know the news i was like..well...my usual self, emotionless if you will
but i guess as it slowly sank in with all the news reports and mtv tributes
it hit me
i could sing along to most of these songs
i can rmb watching his concerts on tv
laughing and looking forward to the part where girls would go on stage and cry hysterically
and the crowd gg insane. like INSANE.
michael and his never-ending endings to each of his songs (if you all recall)
and of course his moves

i watched michael go from weird looking to even weirder looking to just weird
i wouldnt say tt i was a michael FAN
but i guess he really is the king of pop.
which was also another thing i just knew but only understood recently

you could say he introduced/taught me pop coz what followed after was the boyband era which I embraced.
And it was always the poppy bands' tunes that drew me first
only then would i decide which member to have a fangirl crush on.
i admit. i was a pubescent little thing after all.
ahaha!!

and well..a great example of michael's influence on what we know as music and dance even is well illustrated in the vid below
the pops of more recent times, nsync. watch their moves and the lyrics. i never saw the lyrics this way till MJ passed on.
and well...watch on to see how MJ literally CREATED a style of his own and changed music culture to be what we know today. he truly was an entertainer.

coz his moves and songs NEVER go out of style.



do you ever wonder why?
this music gets you high?
it takes you on a ride
feel it when your body starts to rock
baby, you can't stop
this is all you've got
this must be
POP

Thanks to Michael.
RIP.

*i'll be having my own little MJ tribute on my blog under the orange section. rock with you is one of my favourites. back to top?

well..
i dont know what to say lah
there is a problem,,its obvious and it seems to be long-standing
but how do you fix it?
is it fixable?
if not what does this mean?

i suddenly think im a real sucky human being
well if youre one of those ppl who read my blogs and have sth against me but i dunno anything about then whoopee for you. i have gained insight.

i dunno
i just wanna run away with ppl who matter to an island of my own

sometimes you try to do the right thing
but i've come to learn that the right thing is all relative
so there are always gonna be repercussions
someones gonna hate you
someones gonna wanna never wanna see you again
someones gonna do sth to make you feel guilty without you actually having to feel that way

and here i thought i would never be that person
boy was i wrong.

maybe its time i reflected on myself and changed
and now where im going doesnt seem to be the best place to do that back to top?

seriously

the biggest thing i cant stand about this whole thing is the constant talk about it
maybe im not caring enough
maybe im just trying to escape it
or maybe just for once
i wanna be spontaneous to a certain degree about it
i dunno
i mean...

my mum was just telling me off coz apparently the way i was asking melia on her behalf about the hotel tt my mum was looking at saying at, seemed as if it "wanted my life"
my GAD
the more this whole preparing to go to australia stuff comes about
the more i think my mum doesnt know me at all
i just said " if this is what you think i am like when things want my life...you shld see how i am when it REALLY does want my life." ---> i know this sounds like real broken english but you know wad i mean.

this is sickening
i hate the fuss...most of me just wants to pack wad i can pack
and leave the rest to create my experience there
and i hate tt my mum is judging me
and to a degree that is totally laugh-worthy to my friends if they ever knew wad my mum's impression of me is

to my mum i'm
-a poor planner,
-socially awkard to the point tt i could be autistic
-bad at managing my time

i wont deny tt i might be socially awkard but i can function in social situations if i have to
and sure im a poor planner and time manager compared to HER.
i wont say im damn good at planning and manging my time but definitely better than what she thinks of me

GAHHHHHH!!!
freaking hell

if i didnt need to go over to tt freaking breeding ground of a virus
all this would be totally unneccessary

ppl ask me " are you looking forward?"
and my answer is : er....well...yea...i guess

seriously
its BEYOND the point of having mixed feelings
coz internally i DONT want to. even if the reasons are childish and stupid.
but cerebrally, i KNOW i dont have a choice and i have to. imagine if i were on scholarship.
SO. DUH i GUESS im looking forward to it.
IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY ABOUT IT?
there isnt any other appropriate way to deal with it other than to just ACCEPT it.

i dunno lah
im just overwhelmed with all these feelings of irritation and frustration
ive just been shoving the root of all these feelings aside so tt i dont feel that way
if not seriously, ness will NOT be the ness you wanna be ard during her last few weeks in sg
its already happening like how it has been with friends who have flown there and back
the "acting-out" phase
im trying to curb it
and yes, irresponsible ness according to mum will get down to the packing this week
tis disgusting the amt of time left before i fly

ok...lets forget it
and move on...

this is just me ranting openly...none of this to be taken too seriously... back to top?

ok

i am bored
and i am about to sleep soon but just not yet

well..i was just exploring some fashion blogs tt urban was featuring
it was yest's urban is anyone is interested
and well..yea..tt was interesting
heh

anyway.,.next week busy week
next weel ill be gg to get my contacts!
then i have to go for the la trobe briefing
then i have to ACTUALLY start packing for aus
realised its only in a matter of weeks
kinda scary
so yea
and i need to finish up wad i started in the study, been lazy about it
and then gg for the guide dogs for the blind clubbing for a cause on thurs!
1st time for everything eh
and its for a good cause

as i was rattling on to melia i think ill just share it here
the founder of the singapore guide dogs for the blind came to my school when was in year 1 i think to give a talk on guide dogs for the blind
he was the 1st person in singapore to own a guide dog and the dog's name is kendra
he explained tt guide dogs are rare in sg 1stly coz we dont train guide dogs here in sg and guide dogs are trained overseas like in the UK
so if someone outside of these places want a guide dog they have to "ship" the dog over

whats so special about these dogs is tt they have been trained since they were pups
and not all dogs selected WILL become a guide dog in the end coz it depends on the dog itself
they are trained in a certain way, on how to guide the blind person
and really act as the person's eyes
so these dogs are very well trained, and are LITERALLY working dogs.
according to the founder dude, he said kendra literally has her working hours and her normal dog hours
during her work hours she is trained not to accept treats and stuff, very well-disciplined.
there is also a certain way to pat the guide dog: not on the head but on the "shoulders"
i cant even BEGIN to explain how well trained these dogs are till you actually meet one

so anyway back to it
imagine the cost to ship the dog eh? or to the TRAIN the dog
its literally a pedigree of its own
if say you get the dog, you and the dog still need to undergo training so tt the dog can get acquainted with you
and you to the dog
your idiosyncracies and all coz the dog will literally be with you EVERYWHERE you go in WHATEVER you do
so you have to fly over the UK or sth for instance for the training
and at the end of it, you may even decide tt a guide dog is not for you..
its THAT specialised and individualised

so imagine the cost.
and there are only 4 of such training schools in the world and its funded by volunteers

HENCE
the money raised i should think, will go to a fund to the association to help more blind people get guide dogs or related aides i think? possibly
and why is this important
imagine, ppl like you and me who are healthy and able-bodied already have it tough looking for jobs and earning an income tt is "enough" for our expenditure
what about the blind person? or anyone with disabilities for tt matter..what opportunities? how MANY opportunities for work do they have? what more to afford sth as luxurious as a guide dog..aides for the blind are mind-blowingly expensive..
which is so ironic.
i shall not continue coz if not this will be neverending story part 5..or sth

im actually surprised i rmb so much from the talk i had in year 1
ahahah

ok im done ranting
and i think im abt to go to sleep now heh back to top?

wellll welll wellll

im bored so im here again
duh

well...its only a matter of weeks before i have to fly to swine flu capital
UGHHH
i dont wanna gooooooooooooooooo
risking my life there with australians who dont give a shit abt the flu is one thing
leaving my home and my friends behind
tts wad is tougher

you guys better talk to me online and email me and stuff
i dont want to eventually just NOT know anything tts gg on
you all know it happens. its not AS bad as it seems but it still sucks
ii have to go from being ALWAYS and TOTALLY involved to .....
i dont even know how to classify it but yea :(

so anyway
i have to start packing
starting VERY slowly
and im starting to clear out the study
and well....i wanted to start my exercise regime last week
but failed miserably coz of the stupid lymphnode infection and the antibiotics tt robbed me of all energy
i swam today though so YAY! well..dan came to burn his body and well swam a bit.
why is it ppl have difficulty swimming freestyle? i realised it with most ppl who havent had swimming lessons..hmmm...i cant rmb how it was for me when i was learning then...hmmm..if i can figure it out then maybe i can help dan and melia..heh

i think i shall go down to the gym 2mr
WOW
but yea...my abs are aching from the pathetic few sit ups tt i did tt day and my pects from the push ups
tts how lousy ive become
so i shall continue to bask in the lacticacid-ness of it all and work on it

but other than tt
im slowly realising how much ill miss a lot of things once i leave sg
for one is the comfort of having everything
and then knowing tt you'll be meeting your gang of friends at least once tt week
and tt your friends are but an sms away if you wanted to just meet up and hang
as much as i hate to admit it but YES...i will miss all the blame-ness-for-everything- and-anything-coz -its-fun-or -its -just-right instances when hanging out
and the birthdays that i will miss
this is wad happens when you are ALWAYS planning and involved in almost everything
you feel greater loss
or maybe tts just an excuse im creating ...heh

ANYWAYY
ok...tts abt it for the update
heres hoping nac will get the place in chisholm so we'll have each other for company!!!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LORD!!!
and......heres hoping for the best for everything...
i know i still have some time
but yeaaaaa
listening to avirl lavigne is somehow making me emo
i shld stop blogging now before this escalates beyond proportion
heh back to top?