If you're here you probably know/knew me
Whatever the case, help yourself to my blahblahs, however interesting they may be.


bolditalicunderlinestrikeout

today will be yet another day spent at home
i realised that i cant stay at home without doing nothing
or i need one other person's company at least
i suck

well
i went down to swim yest
then i packed my cupboard
and my table
maybe ill throw some stuff out today
and do my chores
and well...maybe start packing for the trip?
read my book
transfer all my stuff OUTTA this comp
and then evening will come
and this baby goes back to HP AGAIN

anyway
im into angsty shouty achy-breaky-heart songs again
which include
Alone by Heart
Call Me When You're Sober
Since You've Been Gone esp
i love that song
its so JC days
and i still love it man

i wanted to put the since youve been gone vid on my blog
BUT
the every since youve been gone vid's embed thing is disabled
damn you youtube

ANYWAY
hmm
i think i'll go offline soon
might as well go read a book or sth
its not like anyone wants to talk to me :(
miss you melia. dunnno why but 3 days in a row seeing you then suddenly not seeing you at all or talking on the phone seems so...rhythmless. ahahahah

so weird how when youre free, suddenly no one has the time for you
and when youre not, everyone wants a piece of your time.
isnt it ironic? doncha think? back to top?

or is it fear?

i dunno.
now the offer is really staring me in my face
im scared
im really scared
but i guess its better than nothing right?
at least i can avoid having that much of a rude shock or anything when i return to work
MAYBE

OH GOODNESS
i hate this
its a mental block
its something i just have to do
so does this mean i gotta start studying now?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

:(

i think im just scared
im scared ill screw up
i mean.
i will FINALLY be called an OT
and i cannot have an excuse to make any stupid mistakes
ARGHHHH!!!
but i wont screw up if i dont think i will right?
sometimes i wish everything would work just with a change in mindset.
it works to a certain extent.

OH WELL
i shant think about it anymore till i get more details

meantimeeeee
i need to start packing for malaysia
and i need to .....pack my room
and
er
HA
TZAH!

melia i miss youuuu
who am i gonna waste my day with???? HAHAHA!
everyone's busy :(
nvm
ill find a way to pass my time
and no. that does not include studying as an option yet.

ps: dont you LOVE my new blogskin?!!?!? i tink its superr cool ya..dats righhhh back to top?

OH MY GOODNESS

its over just like that

WOW

i didnt think it'd feel like tt
but it really is
it JUST hit me though
coz i just got an email from florence
AGAIN

yea...if you know then you know lah huh
i feel harrassed in a way
good and bad
pressured might be a better word
not into joining a particular organisation per se
but just the idea tt I am actually "ready" to work
not tt i FEEL ready, not even slightly
but the fact is im sorta supposed to be ready for employment
the feeling is surreal
and veryvery frightening
im pretty sure NO ONE feels prepared at all
its like clinicals everyday for years
i think it'll be ok when you stop feeling stupid and like you dont know shit
but hopefully tt phases resolves itself
it should right?
it'd better if not tt 1st step will always be impossible to take
gotta believe i guess and maintain a postivie attitude
a learning attitude

if theres one thing i've learnt from OT
is tt the learning NEVER stops
and you can NEVER know everything
its only a matter of HOW FAST you process it all
and how WELL you frame it
OH WELLLL
lets hope i get it right
i will right?
i have to


ANYWAYYYYYY
its the HOLS BABY
take a break from OT for a while
and just CHEEEEEEEELLLLLLL

it sucks tt the week tt im starting my taste of freedom
australian ppl are flying back
like WTH IS THAT!??!!?
but oH WELL
cant be helped i guess

what should i do?
exercise tts for sure
arrange something? maybe finish up gravity
maybe look for a job. NOT OT related at the moment
and to get rid of my FREAKIN ULCER
my goodness
its affecting my mood, energy and my willingness to speak
pain behaviour indeed man

oh
i need to cut my hair
i will
and i need to re-dye
i might get contacts? AHAHAH
and i CANT WAIT FOR 7th!!!!

OK
i shall end off here
and i think it might be time for a new blogskin?
i think so too
ahahah back to top?

1.5 more days

persevere

it will all be over soon

WOOOOOOHOOOOOO

i cant wait to sing FREEEDOMMMMMMM the day i walk out of there
aka
FRIDAY BABY

soon soon soon
i look with anticipation back to top?

its monday again

the last monday of clinicals
i shall learn how to savour each day this way
rather i shall get through the day this way
its a lot easier

i like my placement
its more like the dynamics of things that i dont like
i wld LOVE to be explicit
but i know i cant
id love to use sarcasm alternatively
but even that might be dangerous
so WADEVA

its the last 4.5 days BABY
i cant freaking wait for it to be ALL OVER
like OVER OVER OVER
it will BE FREEEEEDOMMMMM!!! FREEEEDOMMMMM!!! FREEEDOMMM!!!
i think i will be blasting Awaken's Freedom in my ears in the days to come
and ESPECIALLY LOUD ON FRIDAY
WHATEVER THE RESULT
hopefully it wont be anything too atrociously disgusting
or i swear i will kill someone

then sat is the conference
somehow tts like the last thing im worried about
im really lucky to have a committee tt has responsible and cooperative
coz honestly i think they're doing more work than i am
so yeaaa

AND DID I MENTION I CAN'T WAIT FOR ALL OF IT TO BE OVER?!
the meet ups
the trip
YEA BABY
i cant friggin wait for it

but in the meantime
its a lot of work to do
but i have to try to get it done nontheless
if not
i dunno
thats not even sth to consider ness
sheesh

ok great im starting to feel sleepy already
i guess its time to sleep anyway
its monday already
woohoo
up in a few hours
lovely
NOT
but the only way to get to friday is to go thru monday to thursday
so HERE WE GO

the countdown begins
4.5 more dayssss back to top?

oh goodness

i finally have some time to blog
the only good thing about home visits i guess
and a sup who can drive
SO....
i get to be home at the time tt i usually leave work.

OH GOODNESS

ive been SOOOOOO shagged these few days
everyday is a mad rush to do work
tonight will be another rush as well
but at least i have time to install some stuff on my laptop which just returned to me
and i can watch some tv

i feel sleepy
so i shall do this fast, bathe and sleep for a while
WELLLLL

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAYMAY!
and
HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAL!!

i honestly cannot wait for friday
i cant even begin to tell you how much i look forward to it
then the weekend
though there are a ton of things to do
and then i HONESTLY cant wait for NEXT friday
the result may not be good
but
yea
i can just hope for the best
but before that
lets just live it day by day
give each day the best tt i can
ive been doing that
but yea

today was a day tt was actually bad
like nothing went as planned
i managed to get all my stuff done anyway
but im somehow not all tt frazzled
but i guess its just a matter of perspective
i handled it pretty well i must say
even though my sup didnt think so
OH WELL
just gotta get better
one more week
ONE MORE WEEK

cant wait for friday
yes
again

OK
im off now
sadly back to top?

irritated

that the weekends always fly by
and i have a tonne of things to do
and somehow im always pressed for time
its the weekends for crying out loud

and the chipmunk added me on msn
yea. chipmunk.
some of you shld know, just that i havent formally announced chipmunk as the nick.
if you dont then, tough luck
i cant even come online in peace

im so frustrated
and i really cant wait for all this to be over
i hate this self-questioning thing
am i meeting my own standards? her standards? his standards? why dont i feel good about myself?

ive gotten advice tt no matter wad i do as a young therapist-to-be, nothing i do will be right.
i just need to be corrected time and time again
but what does that do for my self-esteem dammit?
yes its part of learning
but part of learning and excelling in it involves a degree of motivation
you need to set your goals and work towards it
and if i know that i suck at sth then its not that i wld totally give up on it but more like i'll just set goals more appropriately suited
id then adjust my meter and my drive (my efforts)

now?
i think im not all that good, my sup thinks im ok but i somehow dont think SHE thinks im ok
SHE somehow will never think im ok
shes such a POS
UGHHHHH!!!!
WHY DID I HAVE TO GET HER?!?
im always more afraid of meeting their standards more than anything else
if you meet their standards, then you're safe.
HIAZ

ok i shld stop worrying and just see how 2mr goes
DO MY BEST
tts wad it has always been right?
if i suck then i suck lah. just gotta work on it for the nxt 3 weeks
then its FREEEEDOOOOMMMMMMM
and then i might consider if i ever wanna do neuro lor
simple as that

ok
gotta get that treatment plan up for 2mr
and the darned leanring contract
and send it all over asap
ok
i shall aim to get it all done byyyyyyyy 130pm.
YES
GO!!!
and i might blog again tonight? ahahah

oh
btw
may and jon, friday night-morning was fun
we shld do it again =) its therapeutic. in a way.
AHAHAHH!
tanks! *THE wave* back to top?