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this is soooo dumb...i hate anatomy to bits....

week 8 is finally coming...not tt its a good thing...but....hiazz....i guess tts KINDA good..2 more weeks to hols...but yea..the freaking fibula is driving me nuts...no wonder they say its the worst bone in the body...you can't make head or tail of the diff surfaces of the bone...aft a while it all looks the same lah...UGH!! and the muscles of the leg are just plain irritating..thigh was easier....scarily..ahaha...head and neck...DIE LAH........thank goodness none of tt for this pract test..

anyway....hiaz....these few weeks to come..got A LOT of juggling to do...studies, family, friends...my face is popping up into volcanos and craters ONCE MORE...and its REALLY bad this time....goodnesss... and " It Is You( I Have Loved) " by Dana Glover is such a nice song...i'm obsessed...with songs like these i usually identify a certain verse or line tt i esp love..but i can't do tt with this song....coz....i love the WHOLE thing.....its so........hiaz......wanted to put the vid on my blog but dan beat me to it...so...yea..wanna hear go there..i beat him to the lyric-posting tho..ahaha..

OH! went to NKF for placement today..NICE PLACE MAN....so nice...got to take 186 there...got to pass by CJ...man..i love travelling on tt bus ESP if i get to pass by CJ...LOVE IT...all the emotions and nostalgia is like FULL BLOWN...i dun get tt kind of feeling taking 195 or 123 or 65 home from STC area...and most certainly wun get it from taking mrt to yck in the future...i guess coz i only had ONE bus home form CJ and it was a longer ride...more time to ponder and wonder and dream and worry..... MISS IT and LOVE IT...and coupled with songs like "It Is You" ..man a TOTAL emotional bus ride man...NICE...scary how a simple bus ride can evoke so many emotions in one person.. took some pics of the bus ride home...will post them some other time..ANYWAY..........

NKF...just firstly...DIDN'T look like NKF..ahaha...looked like a office building lah..ahaha..and kin sing and i got there early...1/2 hr early..ahah...so we were told to wait in the "cafe"...as we walked in..the whole atmosphere just indicated " MONEY MONEY MONEY" so..when asked if the receptionist cld get us any drinks we refused..ahaha..she was like

" aH?! wad abt plain water?"

we were like "....ok lor..at most if must pay it wun be above 2 bucks.."

ahaha..and i think she got the vibe we thot we had to pay so when she returned with water she said " Hi ladies, the drinks are complimetary, feel free to order anything you like later" then we were like OHHHH!!! ahaha...well..i got free tea and anderson's ice cream later...so YAY!! ahaha..nice place....and coz later part of the day..the interviewees din come...we were waiting in the room and watched TV..ahaha...chunchun the psychologist is a nice girl..ahaha..she's a fresh grad form NUS...so..22? yea...fun...today was fun....and the only 2 OTs there? myself and kinsing.....................SHEESH...

sianded man...i hope things work out....and mum lets me off and tt i finish a substantial amt by sun at least....saturday got concert SWINGLE SINGERS...weird its at the uni cultural centre..last time i went was ...sec 4? J1? early J2? quite small place.... back to top?

man...total nostalgia lah..why 98 deg suddenly? coz on my way home in the car...was listening to 98 deg's i do (cherish you) on.....................GOLD 90!!!!!!!!! WTH!!!! are we old or wad man?? then well..i rmbed tt i had a fave 98 deg song..aahhaa..and this is it..ahaha..nice man..good ol pri sch days..mtv wld be playing this as i ate my lunch..how carefree...

today...MS TEH'- sorry...MR AND MRS TIE'S WEDDING !!!!!!!!! MAN!!! SOOO NICE!!!!she looked soo pretty lah..i mean..they really are one of the better looking couples i've seen in the recent years..i think coz well..a lot of my relatives..the females ah..man..wedding day their make-up ah..DAMN KWA ZHANG LAH!!! like GE TAI like tt..the lipstick all RED..eyeborws plucked until they are nearly diagonal..face SUPER white...my goodness..but ms teh i rmbed said tt she wld do her own make-up..and yea...good choice..she looked really...NATURAL..its like..make up should ENHANCE features and may cover up SOME flaws but not TOTALLY transform your face!! ahah..and they were soo loving and all..man...the ceremony was nice..for the 1st time there was a Marian part of the ceremony..and i think tt was BEAUTIFUL...i know ms teh has always been a rather Marian person..so tt was really nice..and singing " as i kneel before you" man..PERFECT MAN...

food at the reception was good..really good..ahaha..for once..and well..all the CJ teachers were there..Mr Goh, Mr KB Ong, Mr and Mrs Tan......BROTHER PAUL!!! ahaha...nice...and then we took pic with ms teh and all..ahha...still as usual she threatened to kill javier with the wedding cake knife..aahha..man the good ol times...and i feel so touched whenever she says to me

" i wan my daughter to be just like you.."

i thot she wld forget abt it aft she said it in JC..thot it was just a passing comment and thanked her for it in my teacher's day card to her last yr..i guess since then she kinda RMBED it..tho i already know it...i still feel so....blessed...for a weird reason everytime she says it..when i graduated she said it, when i came back to visit she said it..it really is a BIG compliment and i DUNNO wad i EVER did to deserve it...really...man..ms teh...i really feel happy for her...i felt kinda bad i only wrote 2 lines in her card but we were late( my bad =S) and i had to rush it..hiaz..i rmb her lamenting in class randomly when we're doing work on why he hasn't proposed and when he FINALLY did..she made SUBTLE attempts to SHOW us the ring..aahha..so cute hor? ha..hiaz...i'm sure they'll have a wonderful life together..and i wonder...when will the next wedding be?? hmmm...cld VERY well be ANY ONE OF US...we're hitting 20 soon! and some are hitting 22 soon!! bloody hell...

hiaz..oh well..gotta rush work this week man...anat pract test in 2 weeks time bloody hell..AHHH!!! ahaha..physio pract soon too!! AHHH!!! and a lot of other things too!!! SHIT! my time is soo precious.......CONGRATS MS TEH!!! YOUR THE BEST TEACHER I'VE EVER HAD!!! YOU ROCK!!! I WANNA BE GODMA!!! ahaha..... back to top?

ha..welll..

the school week has finally come to an end...

hmm...well..thurs...hmm..it was nice..meeting yanyan and the usual 2 for dinner...we had lots ob pun mam..bery good..bibo ceety is bery big...kan get lost inside dere...and da clothes bery expensibe..ahaha my goodness lah...i only go into philippina accent when i'm ard these ppl..ahha...NICE...i only break into the occasional "bery good" here and there in school..the environment doesn't allow for it to be funny..

hmm...wad else...thurs and today involved a lot of grooming issues lah..hiaz...eyebrows and all...and i MEAN all..ahahahaahah!! lots of hair trimmings this week..ahaha..today CUT HAIR!!! and seriously...ahaha..i like my eyebrows..ahaha..they are...NATURAL...i mean..fine they're not PERFECT or wadeva but yea.......no meh? haha..everytime ppl ask if i wanna go trimming or plucking of threading...i'm like...do i need to? =S haha..

well..aft all tt ...rather emotionally laborous week...the end of the week...i have the lesson tt....well..i'm not crazy abt..but it made loads of sense today..loads of relevance and just goes to prove my point tt..there ain't no right or wrong reasons and why this is a blog coz its SUBJECTIVE ( and sometimes rather..contradicting..i just so happen to be someone who TRIES to at least see BOTH sides of a pic..) nature shld be respected...these theories jusy kind give REASONS as to why ppl react the way they CHOSE to ...so here they are...presenting..

THE HEALTH BELIEF MODEL

- Helps us understand why some individuals engage in health-protective behaviour, whereas others behave in knowingly unhelathy ways.
- In making health descisions, individuals consider both health and non-health related consequences of behaviours
- Helps us understand how a person's subjective expereinece infulences his health behaviour.

When will an individual take preventive measure?
- when he feels susceptible to a diesease
- when he feels that contracting the diesease may have serious consequences
-when he believes that preventive action would reduce the seriousness and that the action would not cause much inconvenience.
-when one or more cues trigger for action
-when he/she actually overcomes barriers and takes required action to secure health

THE THEORY OF REASONED ACTION

The key factor in engaging in health behaviour is the person's intention or motivation

This intention is influenced by:
-attitude towards action
-social norms ( is this an expected behaviour?)
-messages conveyed by a significant other
-importance of complying with norms and wishes of the significant others.

don't you think this explains so much? it just...comforted me a lot...esp when i reached the point where i thot i thought too much of myself..ahaha..a theory comes along to explain why i react the way i do and do things and build on things the way i do...so cool...makes me seem normal when i can apply theories to life..ahaha..cool..

2mr is ms teh's wedding!! ahaha..YAY!! FINALLY gonna see her in a gown...i think she's gonna look bery preeety..aahaha..man...gown....nice...wonder when will it be my turn...i mean..to wear a gown and look pretty...NOT talking abt the occasion...tt one...i...really dunno....but nvm..there's always Solitaire to fall back and work on..but i give you guys my word...i will support Solitaire even if i get married..ahahaah SIAO...make it sound like a plan already...NO!! cannot! =S

and...with christmas round the corner..means chirstmas present shopping has to start soon! ahaha...well..being very efficient ( as we always are)..we've already started on plans for 1 present..man...i hope i stop laughing when we do pass the present......HAHAHAHAH!!! man....

back to top?

haha..

i realised...i get lots of aunties asking me for directions..which is weird...coz i dun have a very friendly face..esp at the mrt interchanges and when i'm walking home they come...weird....very weird....ahaha

and wad else...hmm...val is back! WHEE!!! gonna cut hair soon..buy clothes..wedding...WHEEEE!!!! this week shldn't be too bad....i hope... back to top?

welll

ok..i admit tt was a rather stupidly depressing post...

but i guess i just needed somewhere to let it out..and the blog is often my outlet in case you guys dun already know..guess i was kinda overwhelmed by all the diff demads expected of me last night...emotionally and mentally...ahha..and physically...hiaz..oh well...

NOW tt 2 projs are over..FOR NOW...i can finally slow down to breathe..ahha..tonight was the 1st time in a long while tt i sat down with my family to watch tv..even tho it was only 1/2 hr..it was still nice...nowadays its like...eat finish,COMP COMP COMP! hahaa...so yea...i came on aft 1/2 hr coz i kinda got bored with the show..ahaha..hiazz

so anyway..wed's clinicals are gonna be fun..i KNOW IT...ahaha..gg to singapore school for the deaf...soo cooooooolllll!!!!! and the EVEN cooler part is the fact tt its at.....REDHILL!!! near CRESCENT!!! its BLOODY NEAR HOME!!! YAY!! no bedok this week!!!! aaha..and my supervisor is soo cute...ahahaa..she's female btw..ahahaha..cute as in the way she emailed kin sing and i..sheesh man...ahaha oh welll...looking forward to clinicals!!! ahaha

ok..off to sleep..better grab the chnace when i can..meeting the girls for dinner 2mr to welcome val back..aahha..yay...anat b4 tt...joyyy...=S back to top?

vanessa kwek...you act-smart-know -it-all...sometimes you're too full of yourself..

UGH

PMS

oh goodness i feel like crying...messed up kid...tts wad i am...

freaking confused

i know ppl dun expect me to be always there as their pillar

i take tt on my own

and i know i shld not be blaming anyone for sth i chose to do

ok...wads the point of this post then?? USELESS

vanessa kwek..creating excuses for yourself again... back to top?

DISCLAIMER: this post has potential to offend anyone who smokes or have smoked and quit...if you feel uncomfortable...please DON'T read...this was written in at an emotional peak in vanessa kwek..

i'm not directing this post to anyone in particular...its just tt my convo online tonight...reminded me of things ...

i HATE cigarettes..

TRULY
MADLY
DEEPLY

not only did it rob my grandfather of his life..but i think its a really stupid thing to do..other than the fact tt it stinks (sheesh) and makes your children retarded...

although i dun blame the cigarette for "taking" my grandfather's life..since he chose to..i mean..for the older generation...situation was diff..but anyway..i hate it for the fact on how it makes ppl suffer...ppl turn to it for comfort and it does that..BUT..it takes away your life in return for those lil moments of unhappiness..tell me...is it WORTH IT?!

i dun really blame the older generation smokers...BUT i really think ppl of THIS generation, who have been educated and warned abt the risks of smoking STILL SMOKE....and i agree after a while all those things just seem like "cocked-up" reasons from MOH to prevent ppl from smoking and it seems sensationalized...*btw...its not..the liver and lungs all REALLY look THAT gross in your body..anat student here hello?* and you just ask yourself..." is it REALLY all that bad??"

the effects of smoking and why BEACAUSE of that we shld not..we all know it..but..sometimes..reasons like tt aren't enough to convince yourself tt it IS indeed stupid to smoke..but here's wad i think..:

- a person turns to smoking due to factors like peer pressure, stress, curiousity, family environment..
- i feel that peer pressure and stress are just cowardly reasons for wanting to smoke..

-ESPECIALLY stress...i DON'T take stress as an excuse to smoke..

- its RETARDED...smoking only gives you a MOMENTARY relief from stress...simply by vasodilating your vessels, lowering your bp...but so wad if your stress is relieved? its ONLY for tt moment...its just RUNNING away from the problem for a while..it doesn't solve the problem in ANY way..the damn problem is STILL there whether you like it or not..and you STILL have to face it whether you want to or not..

tt few mins of you life tt you cld have used to make small advancements in obtaining a solution, yet you wasted it on smoking tt damn stick which cost you yes, a few mins of your time smoking it and also some days of your life in the future..

and yes..tho some ppl are able to stop aft just one STICK...i say its good...but i also say..who is to say tt they wun ever turn back to it? its not abt the PHYSICAL characteristics of the thing tt shld put them off..rather..the fact tt if they ever get stressed AGAIN..wad makes you think they won't consider that an option of stress relief? the chances are higher coz to ppl like THESE the mentality is tt:

" aiyah..nvm lah..super stressed now...i just wanna get out of it...i can always quit again anyway...i did it before..."

its an escape....escape from reality..and that is cowardly...i'm not saying tt i'm the super strong kind tt faces reality HEAD ON with NO FEAR * my ass* i too need to have an avenue of stress-relief but the WAY you do it....thats wad makes the diff..whether you're a coward or not..sorry..we're all cowards...just makes the diff if you're a SMART coward or DOWNRIGHT DUMB coward...which wld you prefer??

and notice so far its only abt stress as one of the factors i've talked abt? well...i've got more to say on the rest but i'm too tired....haha.. back to top?

heh..

i actually dun have much to type but i just had to have an outlet at this time of night/day..ahaha..

went blog surfing for a lil while and welll...stumbled across a lil someone's blog ( i dun wanna reveal who lah..but the person's on my links)...i'm not mentioning who directly here coz..i dun wanna seem like som BA GUA..hahaa..i'm a closet ba gua..ahaha!!

but yea..aft reading wad tt person had to say...i guess all i can say is tt...dun worry man...we are all hoping for tt someone to come someday( whether you admit it or not)...i dunno when, how and who either..but i guess we just have to wait for time to reveal who tt mystery person is..

i know the NEEDY feeling ALL TOO WELL ( and i'm sure dan does too =D) been like tt for quite some time...having its peaks esp during ovulation and its further enhanced by the stoopid songs dan sends tt just HIT tt itchy spot in your heart and make it grow bigger..ahaha..sheesh..

i haven't felt it this month tho...hmm.....maybe i missed my period...i dunno..we'll see..ahaha sheesh man..i always seem to be talking abt my menstrual cycle soo openly here...but HEY! its a NORMAL thing for females..sheesh man...haha..so anyway...BASCIALLY....

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join wad ah?

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i feel like crap man...

i'm like a freaking bowl of lard
my voice sucks
i have a the floor of mars for a face
a brain tt is like...brainless...

what is there left??

mentally and physically i suck....

ok fine...i agree...the way i measure how i suck seems to be according to society's standards but HEY! i'm a part of society...and i'm not THAT strong a person as i wish or seem to be........

creating excuses AGAIN....

humans are such disgusting and moronic creatures..always blaming everything else except themselves..always trying to find excuses so that they can feel better abt themselves...hiaz.....its so hard to be human...especially if you're a human with so many flaws...rather...caught up in your flaws......i hate this...why do i always have to go through this??? its not such much abt wad ppl think of me...if i can identify wad i like abt myself i wldn't really care as much...but..now..........i dun even feel good abt myself...

conclusion: its that time of the year/month...and...i need badminton....anyone? i need to WHACK something... back to top?

i'm lacking sleep...lots of it..

i've had long hours of non-stop work for 3 days in a row...non stop work for >12 hrs a day...not tt i'm making it seem like a big deal...i know lots of other ppl are gg thru the same lifestyle as me...but i just wanna say....i need to sleep...i need rest...i need all this stress to evaporate slowly one by one..deadlines and all..oh goodness....how much more can my face take??! at this rate..there won't even be any space left on my face for a new pimple to grow out even if it wanted to..ahaha..

clinical today...fun...was tiring tho..listening and processing...and with anatomy 2mr which i haven't studied for.....OMG....i DUN WAN TO GO TO SCHOOOOLLLLLL!!!!! 2mr aft anat got proj meeting oso...man....i can't go for my dental on fri coz of make up lesson...hiazzz...i like gg to dental coz it means i'm a step nearer to straight beautiful teeth..ahaha...hiaz...but now.......oh well..if hua beng takes up my fri again next week...i will KILL him..*yea right*..haha... off to do anat now...ugh... back to top?

my brain has been fully utilised for the day...

-doing clinical diary
-researching for pbl
-editing japan essay
-talking online
-discussing emotions
-discussing admin stuff

ALL IN A DAY...do you know how tiring it is when you have ALL these gg on SIMULTANEOUSLY??! been at the comp the whole day since 930 am...till now...goodness..my poor brain needs a rest and so does my comp...its been hard on you brain...and its been hard on you heart...overworked...my pimple-fied face was just on the verge of getting better and then all these mental and emotional stresses come along......they're coming back...BABY COME BACK! ahaha...oh my goodnessssssssssssssssssssssss.........of to rest...this week is another long week.. back to top?

C O L O U R!!!!

mwhahaaha....well...i'm online at this time to do work duh...but i'll just post the pics up 1st so tt i wun get distracted while i do work later...i'll prob be back later to blog more? we'll see..meanwhile...BOTANIC GARDENS...

this is well.....a view ...ahaha...i thot it was nice...its actually only one side of a path..the other side also has water and some sculptures...

the focus here is not the tree in case you're wondering..ahahaa...i was just snapping randomly coz my family was just taking a short walk...so..well..its supposed to be the path leading into the park from the main entrance...v diff hor? i wonder where the swans have gone to tho....hmmm....

another view of the main entrance from the inside..at least now the place looks more like a tourist attraction coz now it.....attracts...before it looked like they just HAD to have a botanic gardens so they created a space and dumped any form of vegetation there...it looks better now...

i like this....its soo cool!! ahaha...its actually tt stone wall thingy tt you see in the 1st pic...ahha..nicenice..

and this is the NEW gate ...took it as we drove by..ahaha..the faint white area on the gate ( you can see it if you stare hard enough) actually says " Singapore Botanic Gardens" and the gate is actually made up of "leaves"...nice.....

i think the inside is much nicer but i din have the chance to venture inside...had to rush off to the optician's...but yea..we should org sth there..i was thinking picnic...but to go large scale aka calling whole choir........its possible...but tough..v messy to org too...maybe a small gang of us? hmm..sth lah..either STC ppl or choir gang...somehow...i'm gonna make sure we go to botanic gardens for chirstmas for a picnic..its just a matter of who..ahaha..

if you dun already know the lyrics to come down to me..refresh this blog and read the lyrics....MAN..................SO NICE......feeling all weird-ed out again...stupid.......and...NOT HELPING!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh......melia...how do you add the music to your blog again? i van allso mam..

alright...tts abt it for now...the day has only "JUST" begun....till i blog again today..and the prev post "today" was actually this morning at 1207..with the post directed to yesterday of course...so yea..haha..read with caution..

back to top?

disclaimer: all the todays and 2mrs..well...yea you know lah huh? think a day backwards..ahha..

man..sth is up with blogger AGAIN!! this post...NO colour ( for once huh?)

anyway..lots has happened in the past few days...i've finally collected my new pair of specs...FUNKY..ahaha...i like it better from the side tho...but OH WELL...AND i got ANOTHER pair of specs today..a copepr half frame with thick sides...ahaha...mum liked my specs when i wore them and she told the lady to make one for her too..the EXACT SAME PAIR!!! my sis fell victim to tt the last round..now its MY turn...so....i was like " noooooOOOO!!!" but to "pacify" me..she said she'd get me another pair...ahaha..so i can switch ard...besides..specs are like an accessory nowadays...most ppl have like 2 and some have 6..ahaha...my mum made 2 today..and she just made one recently...so in a span of 2 weeks...3 pairs of new specs for her..aahaha..nice...felt kinda guilty coz its an expensice piece of "accessory" but......oh well..i need sth a lil more conservative for "clinicals" in tt sense...so heh..


also went to botanic gardens to have lunch today...SO NICEE!!! they finallt finished renovating the place..went to eat at the food court there and walked a bit ard the main entrance...din venture inside...took some pics for my proposal for chirstmas.................CHOIR CHIRSTMAS PICNIC!!! ahaha..i know its kinda hard to org so maybe a small grp? i think it'll be nice...ok..PICS!!

-pause-

ARGH!!!! sth is wrong with blogger!!! the whole tool bar area is missing...tts why no colour and pics...ok..pics 2mr...heh...

wad else? oh...clinicals...it was ok ..went on job site visit to the oriental hotel...it was cool...ahaha..and at my setting...no need to wear uniform...must wear office clothes lah...my classmate and i were like O_o...making life difficult for us...not tt we love the unform but at least we wld have sth to wear and if we looked bad..it wldn't be our fault...HIAZ....last week went looking like a bunch of wannabes...this coming week...i'm determined to CHANGE THAT..ahaha how? i dunno..need a total make over lah...

wad else...oh...come down to me is such a nice song...good song dan..and i am feeling sleepy now..gg off to sleep..2mr gotta do work and tutor my sis for her math the next day..O LEVEL MATH!! goodnesssssss scary...2mr is a BUSY BUSY day...if i ignore you a lot online..pardon me..heh.. back to top?

today was clinicals....was...ok...

there's more of coz..since when do i only have THIS much to say abt anything tt happens?? ahaha..but i'm tired now...i'll leave it to 2mr...heh..

siiiiiiiiiian...and i just realised...i look like some animal lah...really...i'm always making fun of other ppl looking liek pirahnas, monkeys, manatees, guinea pigs.....i finally noe why...cos I look like an animal...man............BUT...i can't put my finger on it...exactly wad?? i hate my nose....hiaz...i am such a ...................................ugly looking creature man..and NO...i'm not writng this for ppl to convince me otherwise....i'm just gg thru a phase....i hope.........

siannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn..heartburns now....gastric backflow....ouch....sleeeeeep....stupid anat 2mr...ugh... back to top?